Posted Yesterday 11:03 PM (GMT -6)
Thanks for your thoughts and words.
However, did one to clear up one part. You realize I do not have a catheter anymore, not since the end of 2010. I have a Urostomy (stoma), and I urinate into a device attached to the stoma that has a storage bag. I only hook up to a large catheter bag at night, since the attached bag only holds so much and has to be emptied frequently, about as frequent as a normal internal natural bladder would hold. So I am not with a Suprapubic catheter anymore.
Not all men have ED post surgery, I am not the only one, but definitely among a rare club. The miracle of it is what is the amazing part. Considering I went into what was to be a non-nerve sparing operation. The only reason the right nerve bundle was not removed, was because the surgeon couldn't access it properly to remove it, so it was left intact, and noted "damaged". The left side was removed as planned.
And it's the honest truth, that I never had any ED at any point. I had full errections on the catheter including orgasms. Any one reading this - I strongly advised not to try to duplicate this, I didn't realize how dangerous it was for me at the time, and how I could have severely damaged myself post surgery. I was more amazed that I could, and didn't think through the risk.
Then I went through six surgical procedures for my stricture issues. Each time, my surgeon told me there was a good 50/50 risk of total ED from even attempting to open it back up. He even drew little pictures showing me how and where he was going to cut, both with lasers and blades, and he generally cut at the 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock positions, hoping to miss the errections critical nerves. Amazingly, 6 operations later, still no ED damage.
Then of course, post radiation (even on a good day) is known to cause latent ED issues. I am coming up on the 4 year post radiation mark, and so far (knock on wood), no ill effect. If it ever happens, I would not be surprised as it was expected, but until it happens, I consider myself more than fortunate.
But you bring up the reality side of it. Just because all parts work as normal, my dealings with so much chronic and severe pain, the effects of all the opiates I ingest, and chronic fatigue, its only natural that I am not in the mood as often in the past. Plus, being 61 now, it's not like I am some young stud muffin, lol.
I will be completely honest, as we talk about all things here, my own natural "urge" and needs are about 4-5 times a month, basically once a week. My wife, aside from the things you mentioned, also has had a very prolonged menopause, much longer than normal, she's in her 15th year of hot flashes, bloating, weight gain, fatigue associated with menopause. While I constantly tell her that she is beautiful, and she is ( I still see her as the girl of 18 that I married, nearly 40 years later), she often doesn't feel that way. For her purposes, her interest is once a month normally, on rare times twice.
So just because I do "work", and still interested, some of my other issues, especially the pain issues, dull my sense of desire (again, not the physical workings), because I am either too wore out or hurting too much, to want to entertain being frisky. (hey, I am doing a pretty good job of keeping this PG rated).
There are times when I think I want to proceed, and then abort due to pain or fatigue or both. Hope this makes sense.
Plus I respect my wife's feelings - both emotionally and physically, and of course with her issues, sex is just not on the front burner. I would feel selfish to push my needs over her condition at those time. These are things that a close couple learns to deal with in a long marriage.
I love sex as much as the next guy, but not at all costs and not in all circumstances.
While to any of the men still struggling with serious ED issues, wishing they could perform "normally", the fact that I can, doesn't mean it works out that way with all the non ED issues I am dealing with. So what appears to be a silver lining, has limits to the reality of my condition. Not a complaint remotely, just how it is, and I accept it (as does my wife). Our love and friendship will long outlast either of our abilities on the sexual side of our marriage.
My lack of ED is actually more baffling to every doctor I have been with since my original operation, and as they all agree, it makes no medical sense that I do not have any ED issues. They mostly feel its the luck of the draw in my case, no one will take any credit for the miracle.
David in SC