Todd, your writing is very poignant. You express deep thoughts and feelings with an uncommon economy of words, beautifully. I really look forward to your blog entries, even though they stir difficult emotions.
Sephie, my wife hit menopause a couple years ago and has expressed similar thoughts. She is always willing, but seldom initiates, for the same (lack of) hormonal reasons.
My HT has now put us on about the same page... and maybe that's a good thing for now. She points out that, at this point anyway, I still have a hope of coming off of the HT in a couple of years. She has no such potential.
I still have some libido, but nothing like it was. Actually, my RO said I'm in a "lucky" 5% or so able to retain "function" despite radiation and hormone therapy. Function is one thing, desire is another.
The physical relationship is commonly a huge thing for guys, but is often said to be much less so for the ladies even under normal circumstances.
Our faith, love and companionship, with depth and complexity developed over more than 30 years of marriage, is what keeps us facing our future together, no matter what it brings.
IGRT by IMRT, 44 done 8/28/13: 50.4 Gy pelvic nodes, 79.2 Gy prostate
ADT2 2 yrs: Lupron 5/1/13+Casodex 6/25/13
Age 55 @ Dx 4/16/13-
Bx 6/12 pos all on rt G9=5+4 (80%, 60%), 4+5 (2 at 100%, 80%, 10%), PNI confirmed
3T MRI: Bilateral EPE, NVB+, SV-, LN-, cT3
Date PSA fPSA
8/13 <0.1 (ADT, post-RT)
3/13 5.2 12% PCA3=31
9/12 4.1 15%
history since 2002 high/varying PSA, 3 neg bx