Posted 10/24/2013 9:53 PM (GMT -7)
I sure enjoyed reading your journal Todd1963. This disease may take some of the so called "manliness" from you guys, but that's not everything, take it from a wife whose husband has had PC since 1999. Intimacy has many, many levels and forms, this is where you find how close and intimate you are in other areas.
I am proud that you "threw caution to the wind" and bought that camper. Don't let this disease rob you of the fun that you can still have and the times that you still can enjoy. When my husband was first diagnosed, he thought that was it, the big "C" word. Our place on the lake was sold, and all of the boats (several), he thought that the "end" was coming. Well, that was nearly 14 years ago. Yes, many treatment regimens later, but he was able to still enjoy "living". We bought and sold three motor homes and had a blast. Went on cruises, had "family" vacations, and enjoyed life while still having that "cloud over his head", but trying not to let it take control.
Yes, as time as gone on, he is in an advanced stage 4, as you can see by the signature, but we are still surviving, time is shorter now, but we have no regrets. Yeah, sure we maybe could have done more, but we did what we could and wanted to do. At one time we thought maybe we had beaten this disease, so we both retired, moved to the beach and built our dream home and started another chapter. (owever, now we are trying to sell it and move closer to one of our children, for support and to keep husband thinking of other things,like the grandchildren). But the PC never did go away, just hid itself. The "down times" are more now, because of the weight that this disease puts on your soul and emotions. Yes, I'm one of those "caregivers" and wouldn't want to be anything else, except maybe be able to take the PC away and give it to myself, so he could be free once again.
You and Mandy talk and listen to each other, meet together on another plateau, that will help with the intimacy that you seem to think you have lost. Hold onto each other, and you will also teach your children that there are so many levels of LOVE that can be shared together.
Mu husband has started sleeping more lately, but that's okay, at least I know that he is just in the "other room", not far. I go in after he has laid down, after the pain as subsided a little, hold him and run my fingers through his hair, kiss him and tell him how much I enjoyed the day with him. He says, but we didn't do anything, I said, Oh but we did, we shared the day, and that was a wonderful and a blessed event. Saw the picture of you playing the guitar, my husband was an ole rock & roller, played drums with many bands and just recently(about a year ago), laid his sticks down. You are still working and going and doing, so enjoy, enjoy and take pride in your time "in the hear and now", live it to the fullest.
We may be starting, possibly our last treatment in a week or so (Jevtana), bone scan today, results next week and I am sure the scan will show progression and we will start that afternoon on another treatment regiment. So keep us in mind, 14 years, and with all of the new research, you will be cured and be blessed with many youthful years of living and surviving PC.
Age:55:PSA 10.9 11/99
RP:Johns Hopkins 4/00
5/00 to 11/6 PSA 0.1-stop HT 1/04
PSA:0.16- 9/04 Lupron
PSA: 2.1 - 9/09 Casadex & Lupron PSA down
PSA 4.3 - 9/11 Bone & CT mets skull,ribs,illiac,sacrum
& right fenur
Xgeva & Trelstar
PSA 6/12-196 taxotere;PSA 1/13-44.30