Posted 4/10/2014 8:48 AM (GMT -6)
In the big picture, I have complete peace of mind and soul, and have so from the start. One reason why I am a "no-worry" kind of person. Wish I could expand on that thought here, but we aren't allowed to. But I think you understand.
On the day to day part, its just hard to deal, to cope, to handle all the pain and fatigue. At that level, I am mere flesh, and not particularly strong or brave or tough, just basic human survival skills at work.
I too, work for the most part, on just concerning myself about the day at hand, not all or any of the tomorrow's ahead of mead. Too overwhelming for me to think to far ahead.
Appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
I just visited a nursing friend of my wife yesterday in the hospital. I never had met her before. She is 39, several children, good husband, etc. She is near death from some ultra rare blood cancer that just popped up out of no where a few months ago. They are doing a final and extremely harsh load of chemo, as a last ditch means. It's already not working, she likely not to live past this coming weekend or next week.
Yet as I went into her room, I found her sitting in a recliner, blanket wrapped around her waist, and her bald head covered in a home made knitted hat. She was smiling. She was calm. She didn't look like anyone in pain, even her skin color looked normal. Due to her critical condition, I had to have a gown and gloves on, and could only stay 5 minutes.
What struck me, is she know's she's not going to make it. She knows she is dying quickly. Yet she was gracious and kind toward me. She was thanking me, for my wife's visit to her earlier that day (on her way to work). And she wanted to know if she could do anything for me.
I only wish when the time comes, that I can have that much grace. As I left her room, I was pretty broken up, as I am now, even typing this story. Not because a young woman is dying, but how amazingly well she is taking all of this. She is ready to go home, just waiting for the train to arrive. Her mind and heart is already in the next world, and she is ready to leave her broken body behind.