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Time to say farewell to Healing Well Prostate Cancer forum....very bittersweet to me

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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25448
Posted 6/10/2014 8:30 PM (GMT -8)
You are most welcome, Libi. Hope things work well for you and your guy. He's lucky to have you.

D.
profile picture
142
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2010
Posts : 7298
Posted 6/10/2014 8:51 PM (GMT -8)
Purg,

Interesting the comment that associates to the "thank you for your service" mess.

I ran into a lady and two sons (in different service uniforms) at a walmart looking for .22. There wasn't any, but we got to talking just the same while waiting for the bad news. At a point mom got to fidget. Seems that dad, a paraplegic from Desert Storm, was in the car out front. As we walked out, I offered a box of 333 .22lr that I had in the car for my evening trip to the range. They refused, but said if they could pay... I sold it to them for what it cost me to the dollar. I said I thanked them for sleeping each night on the border of hell with one eye open, but that I wasn't going to mouth off that line of drivel we all hate. Hugs and wishes for good fortune were shared. Turns out the two sons had arranged leave to be home together for dad, from opposite sides of the world. I gave up my trip to the range, which afterwards seems almost an honor to do.

There is somewhere a prose that salutes those of our young who live in places we would never go, and stand ready to do things the average citizen can't conceive of. Trying to put that in a common phrase is almost an insult. Almost?
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142
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2010
Posts : 7298
Posted 6/10/2014 8:55 PM (GMT -8)
Libi,

My comments were not directed at your compliment. You had not posted when I started.

Mine is directed at the mindless comment to veterans that has become so cliche as to be offensive to some.
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gunfighter
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2012
Posts : 1249
Posted 6/10/2014 9:03 PM (GMT -8)
Dave/Purg,
Soldier, do what you have to do but I don't want you to have withdrawal symptoms by leaving this forum suddenly. Some of our members are taking a summer break while still lurking occasionally. Your decision, but it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Just my random thoughts. I wish you well.
Bill idea
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duke68
Regular Member
Joined : Mar 2007
Posts : 247
Posted 6/10/2014 9:16 PM (GMT -8)
Hi David,

My best wishes to you and your family.

Hope you find peace and quality of life.

Probably a good start is what your doing now.

It will improve your mental state as you mentioned.

Hop on once in a while to say hello

Gerry
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mikey1955
Veteran Member
Joined : Dec 2008
Posts : 673
Posted 6/11/2014 4:37 AM (GMT -8)
Hi David,

Haven't been around or posted in quite a while.

I understand what you're doing. Good luck in the future...and...as always, wishing you all the best.

Mike
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Almost a 10
Veteran Member
Joined : Mar 2014
Posts : 1070
Posted 6/11/2014 4:39 AM (GMT -8)
Purgatory,

Although I am somewhat new to this site, I must say, I really appreciate all the input you have provided. I joined this site because I was scared, felt all alone, and didn't know what to expect. Your posts and the comfort you have provided to me and I am sure, others, have helped me cope with what is now my new normal. There is a certain comfort in knowing that one is not alone and that there are others that have experienced the same thing. This is invaluable both informatively and emotionally.

Having said that, I completely understand your decision. Sometimes we have said all that we think we have to offer. And, not dwelling on the disease and focusing on living is what all of us should be doing. LIVING!

So Thank you for everything. I wish you peace and happiness in your continued journey.
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RCS
Veteran Member
Joined : Dec 2009
Posts : 1348
Posted 6/11/2014 7:30 AM (GMT -8)
David,

All the best wishes.
Goodby and good luck.
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James C.
Veteran Member
Joined : Aug 2007
Posts : 4464
Posted 6/11/2014 8:04 AM (GMT -8)
Adios, my friend. Hate to see ya leave. Could you at least give us an every 6 months update on things?
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English Alf
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2009
Posts : 2237
Posted 6/11/2014 8:06 AM (GMT -8)
David,
I don't come here very often these days, so pleased not to have missed this post.
I think a bit of Sinatra is appropriate...
"You did it your way" and perhaps less great as a description of some of your docs: "They did it their way."
Also in the Sinatra mode I suspect this might prove to be one of many farewell tours!

However I can truly imagine that you must want to wave a magic wand and change so much, so leaving HW may have a benefit of some kind if it can reduce the amount you have to think about stuff you don t really want to think about!'

I've almost been here 5 years myself, so heaven knows how many assorted messages we must have exchanged.

Meanwhile, the next glass I have in my hand I will drink to your health, or perhaps I should see if I have a drop of something Irish to toast you with.

Whatever happens next you know I wish you all the best.

Alf
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mspt98
Regular Member
Joined : Dec 2008
Posts : 458
Posted 6/11/2014 2:58 PM (GMT -8)
David,

Good luck to you, your story always showed me how the best of intentions, ie radiation therapy, can sometimes go very wrong. Every medical treatment, no matter how routine, can just go wrong for no particular reason. Very disturbing. Although radiation treatments appear very safe and accepted for prostate cancer I certainly would go to a major medical center for the treatment, as I would for surgery. That's the best we can do. All the best to you........

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NewspaperLover
Regular Member
Joined : Sep 2009
Posts : 464
Posted 6/11/2014 3:16 PM (GMT -8)
David,

You have been stalwart. Best wishes and better fortune in the years ahead.

Newspaper Lover
Age 70
11/09 DaVinci surgery upstate NY; nerve bundle taken; clean margins, clean seminal vessels, no incontinence, alas no erections.
06/11 PSA re-emerged.
Gleason 8
Time to recurrence 18 months
Three month doubling time (summer 2011).
PSA rose from .07 on 06/11 to .17 on 11/11.
09/11 hernia surgery to repair hernia resulting from the DaVinci.
10/11 Moved management of my case to Memorial Sloan-Kettering in New York City.
12/11 Started hormones (Lupron/Casodex).
02/12 Began radiation (SRT), including pelvic lymph. 40 sessions.
03/12 Last Lupron shot.
04/12 Finished SRT.
07/12 PSA and testosterone "undetectable."
01/13 PSA “undetectable”; testosterone (T) level at 452 ng/dl.
07/13 PSA “undetectable”; testosterone (T) level at 444 ng/dl.
01/14 PSA “undetectable”; testosterone (T) level at 435 ng/dl.
Have received no treatment since spring of 2012.
Started “Paleo diet” in 2013. Only eat what I plausibly could have fished, hunted, or gathered 40,000 years ago (but not with current skill set). No processed food of any kind. No sugars. No starch. Feel physically strong and best in years on this diet.
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25448
Posted 6/11/2014 3:17 PM (GMT -8)
Thank you, one and for all, appreciate all the comments. Starting to feel guilty for leaving soon, but I feel its in my best interest at this point in my life.

We recently bought a brand new RV travel trailer, for 40 years, we always had used ones, nice having something new with everything working perfect, and having warranties to boot. Since then, we recently bought our own RV lot, a real nice corner lot at Foxwood Hills in Westminster, SC, about 40 miles away, on Lake Hartwell. Now we never have to worry about reservations and such at rental RV parks. Came with a nice rear deck, and a concrete slab to park the RV on. Trees shade the deck. And there are so many amenities at the place, including what is stated to be the largest swimming pool in SC. We were able to pay cash for everything, so its nice having a "second" home paid in full. We plan to enjoy a lot of weekends down there, to get away from all the hassles and hustles of our everyday life.

I also swapped cars for the 2nd time this year, and ended up with a 2014 Abarth, which I got to order from the factory per my specs, another first for me. Does my head some good to be back into a sport type car. Makes me feel good about myself (despite my woes) and feel 20 years younger. Through this car, I have met a whole new brotherhood of mostly local Abarth brothers, we are planning several car related meets. Cars have always been my passion.

And yes, getting closer to writing at least one more book, perhaps two, before I run out of time. Been putting that off too long, haven't accomplished anything since my last book was published in 2012.

I know that HW is well taken care of by some many caring and competent people. I know its in safe hands whether I am there or not. Never did I dream, that I would have spent nearly 6 years of my life helping out in my own little way on a forum.

But I do find, that it keeps my mind constantly on PC, PC related things, and fellow PC sufferers, so its kind of hard to ever get a break away from it mentally when one is there all the time. Forces you to think about it. On a normal daily basis, away from HW, I rarely sit and think about my own PC situation. I still have never seen the cancer, and it ends up just being a number on a piece of paper for me. If it weren't for all the complications that I have endured all these years, it would be almost easy to forget I even have the cancer at this juncture. Yes, at some point, mets will show their ugly head, and then I will have to deal with it again, but until then, I don't want to be constantly reminded of it.

Still no improvement on the weight part. Yesterday, I ate two major meals, and downed a pack of cookies, and was shocked to see that I had dropped another 1 1/2 pounds overnight. It seems like a hopeless circle at this point. Never looked so bony in my entire adult life, even my face is hollowing out, getting kind of unpleasant. Sure hoping these tests on Friday will shed some light. I dread the prep part, that's only going to shed even more pounds. I am already on a clear diet starting at noon today and won't end until about noon Friday.

David
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craig10
Regular Member
Joined : Feb 2010
Posts : 163
Posted 6/11/2014 3:50 PM (GMT -8)
David--- you won't remember me but you were a help to me more than once-- Blessings to you amigo--100%
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25448
Posted 6/11/2014 4:43 PM (GMT -8)
I remember you name, craig, thanks. Looks like you are doing pretty well, glad to see that. don't let that psa of .02 bother you a bit, you are way under the .10.
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browntrout
Veteran Member
Joined : Apr 2014
Posts : 683
Posted 6/11/2014 6:45 PM (GMT -8)
Thank you for taking time that is especially valuable, in your case, to help others. Helping people that are so very worried become hopeful is a rare gift. Know that you have this gift and know that all you have touched have greatly benefitted. Peace be with you and yours.
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25448
Posted 6/11/2014 6:54 PM (GMT -8)
thank you,
always been my mantra...never, ever give up hope, not until one's last dying breath, there's always hope.

and of course, my "no worry" policy, being concerned is ok and smart, but "worry" is an useless act, terrible waste of energy and resources, and accomplishes nothing. I live my entire life without worry, despite all that I am dealing with.
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Barbara Lee
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2003
Posts : 2889
Posted 6/11/2014 10:22 PM (GMT -8)
David:

Man, I'm really saddened to read this thread, however, I totally understand it. I joined HW in 2005 and for several years it basically consumed my life. My family began to complain that all I did was chat on HW with those people. So, I too, stepped away for about 1 1/2 years. I returned I'm guessing sometime last summer when my chronic pain became so bad. I truly understand why you're leaving, however, it doesn't take the pain away.

You and I have so many things in common and we get it. It will be hard not seeing updates on my "Pain Buddy" on a regular basis. I have your email and I will use it from time to time. I want to allow you to break free as my friend Lynnwood said and live your life to the fullest. I would like to hear from you time to time to know how you are doing.

I'm sorry I've not been in touch as of late. I went into the hospital on the 3rd of June and had my colonoscopy and foot surgery done last week. My Achilles tendon was in terrible shape and he only managed to save a small amount he had to harvest a whole other tendon to attach to it. Since, the anesthesiologist wouldn't put me on my stomach for the surgery I may face another operation for the other side of the ankle in 6 mos to 1 year. I've been told this will be a 1 year recovery and not to give up. The anesthesiologist didn't want to put me on a breathing tube so they did a spinal block for my surgery. Long story short, I've now got a hematoma in my spinal column waiting to find out if the neurosurgeons will have to open up my spine to drain it. We are two peas in a pod, if it's going to happen to anyone, it will be us. The anesthesiologist believes I may have some rare unknown bleeding disorder. As of now I have a hematoma the size of a half dollar on the skin of my spine with a huge knot under it and extending 2" to the left. Numbness, and weakness in the left hip and leg.

I give you this information only so that you know I wasn't ignoring you or acting like you didn't matter. I just haven't been able to post. David, I'm thankful we crossed paths here and I truly hope that we can stay in contact. IT'S RARE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO "GETS IT". I'm sorry that you had to cancel your cruise, and the wedding I'm really sorry about. Remember, our kids love us no matter what, even if we miss major life events of theirs.

I'll picture you out at the RV park and enjoying looking over the Lake. I'm from Minnesota and I have always loved being at the lake. May you and your wife enjoy your time there. Hang on tight my friend, remember, we have an agreement, neither one of us can stop fighting. You've brought a lot of joy into my life and I thank you for that. Wishing you the best and I'll truly MISS you A LOT.

Hugs,
Barbara
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Casper319
Veteran Member
Joined : Apr 2011
Posts : 771
Posted 6/12/2014 8:32 AM (GMT -8)
turn Later smilewinkgrin
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alephnull
Veteran Member
Joined : Dec 2013
Posts : 2467
Posted 6/12/2014 9:31 AM (GMT -8)
Well, Good luck!

But I must say, your stories are not old to those of us new to the forum.

But good luck and God speed.
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Chartreux
Veteran Member
Joined : Aug 2006
Posts : 9664
Posted 6/12/2014 10:25 AM (GMT -8)
Keep us posted on this latest tests results...not fair leaving when you got us wondering as well...

What type of a sports car is that???
remember e-mail Screaming Eagle to get my e-mail.
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Magaboo
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2006
Posts : 1215
Posted 6/12/2014 10:42 AM (GMT -8)
Hi David,
I too have stopped posting some time ago, but still check in periodically to follow some of our brothers journey. I followed yours with an increasingly heavy heart as it unfolded. We will miss you with all your advice and encouraging comments. Fair well my friend.
Wishing you peace and contentment down your difficult road.
Your friend, Mag.
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25448
Posted 6/12/2014 3:11 PM (GMT -8)
chart - don't worry, that's why I am not shutting down until June 20th, a week from tomorrow, should have some test results back in by the, so its not up in the air. Lost another 1 1/2 lb. overnight, and a new lowest blood pressure for me, 93/69. I was in the low 130's most of my adult life. And no, I don't take any kind of BP meds
--------------------------

Mag, thanks for catching me in time, you have been a good friend from day one. Please feel free to e-mail anytime you wish.

----------------------------

Barb, thanks for taking the time to post such a long letter and update, under your conditions, would not have expected it. Will write you later this evening when I get a chance. Don't worry, we can easily still stay in touch, just won't be on HW
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Appleseed
Regular Member
Joined : Apr 2013
Posts : 310
Posted 6/12/2014 4:25 PM (GMT -8)
..I am Appleseed, we have similar pain. I wish you well..
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Purgatory
Elite Member
Joined : Oct 2008
Posts : 25448
Posted 6/12/2014 5:23 PM (GMT -8)
thank you appleseed, I pray and trust you continue to do well, now and in the future
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