Posted 5/15/2017 7:46 PM (GMT -6)
Never been the same since my PC dx in 2008. At first, no big deal, another surgery, I would tough it out and get on with my life. Boy, was I wrong - with all the set-backs, side effects, damage from treatments, etc - nearly 9 years later, just a shell of who I use to be.
Not like I don't try to help myself, been in cancer rehab for over 6 years, rarely missing a session. The VA has become a 2nd home to me.
I survive, yes, but I can no longer feel joy or happiness in anything else in my life. I just go through the motions. Almost 7 years of continuous severe chronic pain doesn't do much for ones mind either.
It's hard at times not to feel like this is some kind of deserved punishment, to coin my own name, a type of purgatory. But I don't know what I did to deserve it. Just a regular run of the meal sinner, nothing special.
I still enjoy reading stories here of those winning the fight. Never makes me jealous, just glad for the person in question.
I have so much wrong going on in my body and mind, the good part, is that I rarely think about the fact that I am still dealing with Stage III metastatic prostate cancer. I have no intentions of fighting it whenever mets raise their ugly head, my wife backs that decision.
My quality of life is so low, have no interest in doing anything palliative just to do short time life extension. Don't expect anyone to agree or follow my example. Personal choice.
As a 4x cancer survivor, I have learned a lot over the years. You have to pick your fights and battles.