ChrisR is advocating some "tough love," and I can't help but agree. We are told that "Nothing I do is right, talking to me like dirt, very inconsiderate."
I can understand moodiness. I can understand depression. I can understand acting withdrawn.
But I can neither understand nor sympathize with someone who treats their spouse like dirt and treats them with a lack of consideration.
Prostate surgery, ED, whatever, are completely insufficient excuses. In fact, there are no "excuses" for this sort of behavior. Having cancer, having had surgery, the inability to get an erection, don't give a man license to degrade his spouse. Never should. Never will.
I might understand one or two instances of this boorish behavior, but if it's habitual there's simply no justification.
Yep, if his behavior towards you, his only source of help and understanding and support, is as you describe, IMO there is simply no excuse in that.
But I have no trouble understanding either depression or grief. Just before his surgery, he likely felt like a normal man for his age. He had a disease likely with no symptoms simply based on a couple of lab tests. Wake up from the surgery from this disease that the doctors told him he had, and he is quite likely impotent for life, peeing himself like a small child, and may have immediate shrinkage. He might have had no symptoms before, but he sure as heck wakes up with them, maybe for life. And he may or may not(far as he knows) actually be cured of this disease the lab tests said that he had. Now we all know how he should
feel now that he is cured
of this cancer that supposedly was going to kill him. He should be celebrating, right? Who cares about
no more sex, shrinkage and diapers for what life is left, he should
be celebrating that he is going to live, right?
And if I remember correctly from your previous posts, he is not one to research, right? So he does not even have to wonder if his choice of volunteering for all of this surgical trauma as a G6 was really something he needed to do. So what is there to be depressed or grieving about
, right? Much less all of this anger, which I suppose was not present before diagnosis?
But I can tell you that, even though I was a G9, I have had plenty of negative emotions during the last year. Very negative. I have regretted having the surgery (right or wrong, there it is) even though my wife always thought(and still does think) that was exactly what I should do. I would probably feel even worse about
all of that if I had my surgery in my 40s or 50s rather than at 65. Still, taking it out on my wife, that seems unthinkable to me, and hopefully I have not done any of that. If your hubby is doing that, then he needs to stop that right now! Tell him I said so, that should turn him around! (yeah, right!) I would not know what you should do about
it, but it is not right.
Post Edited (BillyBob@388) : 3/2/2015 8:35:34 AM (GMT-7)