Posted 4/25/2015 10:47 PM (GMT -6)
I read what you wrote in your blog, and the one before that recently. I think it was good to get that off your chest. It's a common fear - the bit about pain. And its very subjective and personal, and greatly varies by each individual.
Come this July, I will officially have been dealing with Severe Chronic Pain for 5 full years. And I have learned a lot about pain during that time. I have learned a lot about my own self, and my abilities, and my shortcomings.
On the best of days, I live with level 4/5 pain 24/7. I mean literally from the time my eyes open in the morning, till I finally pass out again some 18-20 hours later. And that's with being on heavy doses of Fentnyl and Norco (max. allowable doses). I can only imagine what I would be feeling if I didn't have good access to pain meds, to scary to comprehend, to be honest. On my bad days, I live with level 7/8 pain 24/7 - even on the pain meds.
For those outside the Chronic Pain world, its hard for most to imagine that one can endure so much pain for so long, without any true relief. The pain meds never eliminate the pain, they only can tone it down.
Yet in those 5 years, I have learned I am tougher than I realized. I have to fight everyday to stay productive - both physically and mentally, and emotionally. I have had to learn not to lash out at loved ones and friends when I am hurting bad - not an easy task to do at times. And I have learned, that this reality is never going to improve or get better, and that I have to accept that. Also a hard nut to swallow.
Same with the dying bit. I think people (not you) in general, waste to much time worrying about dying. From the moment we are born ,we are beginning to die, just a physical fact of life. So why worry about it? We don't know when, why or how, we just know its going to happen one day, plain and simple. Of course its not fear that some babies are born still born and never get a chance to live, and its not fair that some 17 year old kid gets killed in a car accident that could have been prevented by wearing seat belts or by not texting while driving, or why a young mother of 6 kids dies at age 40 from an illness. Death is never fair, regardless of age or circumstances.
This is why I do not worry. Never been my style. Worry only worsens one's perception of reality, and is illogical and counter productive. It takes away from one's enjoyment of life, even if one's quality of life is diminished for whatever reason.
I hear what you are saying, and I agree. Think you did a good job expressing yourself on the subject.