Posted 9/29/2015 6:21 PM (GMT -6)
dmlvt - thanks, part of the problem of this late anxiety, is that I have been through this several times before. I was 5 years younger and stronger than currently last time I had such a major surgery. I know the entire routine, sometimes, its better to be in the bliss of ignorance. I know exactly what's going to happen, just don't know the outcome or what the surgeons will find in the end.
81 - good analogy on the war part, however, and sure you will remember. I was only 18 at that time, and thought I was invincible and would live forever, war or no war. Our planes were unarmed, which added to the risk, however, only 2 were known to have been shot down during the Viet-Nam War, which was surprising considering their relative slow speed (4 engine turbo prop). I never gave it much serious thought at the time. Was too busy. We went out 7 days a week, there was no weekend or day off during my time in the squadron. one day blended into the next and the next. what was unnerving, was seeing the endless filled body bags and sometimes caskets, stacked up like cordwood at times. we all knew what that meant, but you kept putting it to the back of your mind, thinking, it wasn't me, it was someone else. that "someone else" only became something, if you actually knew the person(s). a bud of mine, same high school graduation, went to boot together, literally died within the first 4 hours upon arriving in nam. was just getting settled into the incoming quarters, and a stray single mortar shell randomly hit the part where he was laying down. the entire time we were in boot camp, all he talked about was going to nam. sorry, kind of got off topic here.
thanks to all the others that have responded. today I was busy all day long, which helped. tomorrow, may be tougher, as I have to stay home, not eat, and start the unpleasant "prep" part. will be much harder to put this out of my mind.
despite my thoughts and fears, no part of me is wanting to abort this, I need it, it just may help me in the long-term, the alternative of not doing it fears me more than doing it.