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Caregivers Corner, Treatments for Advanced Disease, Results, Side Effects, etc. (Part 6)

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Prostate Cancer
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Posted 11/26/2015 8:01 PM (GMT -7)
Cathy, my heart is with you. It is so terribly sad. He was my entire world as was yours. xxx
Posted 11/26/2015 8:25 PM (GMT -7)
Antonia -- I am so sorry. You have been through so much and now must learn to live after this blow.

If there's any comfort to be found here, maybe it is found in what you posted today. Despite his body's failure to cooperate, he still had hope (in his mind, he believed he was getting better). That's a tremendous blessing, and one you can be proud of -- you gave him that gift of hope, by never ever giving up.

If he was that vulnerable sparrow, well better that he not spend more time than he had to in that painfully sad and frightening situation.

I know this is small, but I also think its better that he left today rather than tomorrow -- I wouldn't want to think of him spending any of his last day fighting what was sure to be a harrowing trip for that blood work.

Finally, most importantly, I've never read a word you've written without hearing so clearly your great love for him. He died with the love of his life, the woman who knew he was the kindest man on earth, at his side. We should all be so lucky.

You are suffering tonight, and that pain is going to be intense for a long time, but some day it will be much easier, because you know you handled this with limitless love and grace.
Posted 11/26/2015 8:47 PM (GMT -7)
Cathy -- what I wrote in the previous posting about handling this PCa nightmare with love and grace is every bit as true for you too.

I have always been so impressed by how you managed to see the best in people and situations, despite what you're going through. Your posts have so often been generous in your appreciation for others, welcoming to the new or scared, strong and calm about your plight.

I hope all those strengths are serving you well now, as you learn to adjust to this new reality. I'll be praying for comfort and peace for you
Posted 11/27/2015 5:45 AM (GMT -7)
I am fairly new to this forum but I believe Moonlit (Antonia?) was one of the first to reach out to me... reading just a wee bit of your entries just made me realize how similar all of our stories are - i have heard of so many people suffer from Cancer but when it is your own loved one it seems to just blow one's mind as to how insidious it is...... i often wonder if "buying" a few months of life is worth it = my dad said to me last night after I asked him what was wrong (he seemed more "off" than usual) and he said "what do you want e to do - go around laughing?". He has NEVER ever spoken like this.... i will from this point forward not ask and just wait for him to share... i dont know what to do.... he is the best father a daughter could ever ask for - never a harsh word, never a criticism, nothing but love....

Antonia, bless you and your beautiful loving husband - bless you!
Posted 11/27/2015 6:05 AM (GMT -7)
Antonia,
We've shared many words about our husbands plight and though your Don gave all indications how this was going, I fearfully opened HW this morning. This is the dreaded end of a heart wrenching path and you've been with him every step of the way. You employed extraordinary measures to save him and Don knew that. I swear to the high heavens I do not know if I could do what you have done. You spoke many times of your love for him and how the smallest of improvements lifted your spirit. He was an amazing person and deserving of your devotion.
I am with you in spirit and continue to send love and peace to you and your dear daughter.
Susan
Posted 11/27/2015 9:44 AM (GMT -7)
Susan and Katie, thank you for your wonderful words. Before he left he smiled and said he had "freedom" now and felt wonderful. He tried to push off the covers. We all feel he left his body at that point, although it took almost three hours before he drew his last breath. He was free from their terrible disease.

mydadismyhero. Thank you for your kindness. Your dad must have been feeling very low and pondering on all that he has to bear at the time you asked him what was wrong. I asked Don this question a thousand times. Sometimes he answered "My knee hurts" or whatever and at other times I feel it bugged him. But it was never a reflection of his love for me, or of your father's love for you. Sometimes when we are stressed, we snap and the wrong words come out. Please don't be frightened to show him you care by asking him if he is OK. We must not walk on eggshells. Your father loves you and you love him and love asks questions and sometimes suffers the snappiness that having an awful disease like this can bring. I will include your dad in my prayers. What is his first name? xxx to you and a really big (((HUG)))
Posted 11/27/2015 11:11 AM (GMT -7)
Antonia, Our thoughts are with you. Sending you loving hugs and wishing you peace and comfort. Sue
Posted 11/27/2015 11:30 AM (GMT -7)
Thank you Sue. x
Posted 11/27/2015 11:57 AM (GMT -7)
Well Moonlitnight I have been hunting for 2 weeks in Or. Came back to this...don't know what or how to say anything to help lighten your loss and sorrow... be strong-- God bless you... to teared to type ...try in a few days...NEPOL
Posted 11/27/2015 12:27 PM (GMT -7)
Antonia my deepest heart felt sympathy to you my friend. If it is any consolation and it should be is that the one he loved and loved him more than any one else in the world was there with him. In the coming days of your sorrow know this of your self you are strong! It has taken a truly unique love for you and Don to have travelled with this horrible prostate cancer. Your strength has carried him for many months , you did like I did everything possible to help keep him here. Please send me your adress to my email
So very sorry ....love Sue
Posted 11/27/2015 12:34 PM (GMT -7)
Antonia,
You are a truly giving person - even at this hour of loss and emptiness do you reach out to others to ease their burdens... my dad's name is Lorne. I will have to put in some "details" somewhere in my profile to share his medical journey in case it is helpful to others... I appreciate your offer for prayers - accepted! Thank you. Bless you. God be with you, especially these next few days/weeks/months. Forever.
Love, Marie
Posted 11/27/2015 12:39 PM (GMT -7)
Hi Sue, sitting here on my desk are two cards - one for you and one for a friend in California. I never sent them and I am sorry. It all piled up on me as you know. I believe I have yours in an email and I will send you mine. Perhaps Dave and Don and all the other dear men will meet up one day although I understand that "up there" one is drawn back to one's family members and friends. When Dave died, I thought I knew your pain. I didn't. It is a million times worse than I could ever have imagined. The emptiness, the things I feel were unsaid - like Thank You instead of all those "I love you"s. I am amazed at how much he loved me and I him.
Love you. A. xx
Posted 11/27/2015 1:42 PM (GMT -7)
Don't dwell on what wasn't said Actions speak far louder than words alot of the time.You were always there for Don and even being so sick I think he was there for you. No one ever understands the pain at this time .I think the saying of how are you coping? I never knew how to awnser to people ...I felt like screeming how do you think I am coping I just sat with my husband who was only 64 die .I should have screemed! And you are so right it is lonely! For a couple of months I never watched tv or put the radio on. In the car its the opposite I play the radio loud so I am not thinking of Dave and crying The music keeps my mind busy. Freinds and family who have never indured a illness like what we have lived for years will never understand the sorrow. To this day I have no idea how I kept any semblance of a normal cheerful life? Trying to keep it positive and hopeful was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I hope family and freinds are coming through with love and support and take it all. It is ok to be weak right now, its okay to cry its ok to feel what ever feeling is going through you . I have shed tears for you because I so know all these same feelings ..Love to you my freind 💙 XOXO
Posted 11/27/2015 2:22 PM (GMT -7)
Thank you Sue. My sister is on a plane from the UK and will get here tonight. I have a lot of Facebook friends who know me very well and are just wonderful. My daughter is over and also my sister's son is coming for a week. My Don was 64 as well - and looking forward to being with me with fewer work pressures when this hit. I don't watch TV and will likely get rid of both of them. I occasionally watched something with him so it would make it worse. I am still turning over in my mind him shouting "FREEDOM!" and saying how good he felt. Those were his last words. He asked everyone to kiss him so I think he knew that he was passing even though I kept up hope to the end. I am forever trapped in his love. I will never be free as he meant so much to me. But I want him to be free of the horrors of the past month. He literally became my baby and that must have been tough for such a strong and proud man. Thank you Sue for your words. I know how much it all hurt you. xxx
Posted 11/27/2015 6:19 PM (GMT -7)
Dear Antonia,
My heart is breaking for you. I hope you will have some peace knowing that it seems your dear husband felt he was at last free of all of the pain and fear. Your love for each other was so clear to see, even to those of us that have never met you. You are an inspiration to me and to so many here in the community. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Love, Suzanne
Posted 11/27/2015 6:20 PM (GMT -7)
Dear Moonlitnight,

I am so very sorry for your loss.

You are to be honored for your care and devotion.

I hope it is a comfort to you to know that others are thinking of you right now.

Thoughts and prayers sent to you, from across the miles.

With caring thoughts,
Iowa State "Cyclone"
Posted 11/27/2015 7:42 PM (GMT -7)
Marie, I will keep your dad, Lorne in my prayers. Suzanne, thank you. ISU-CycloneFan Thank you. It was the easiest thing in the world to be devoted to such a wonderful person. xx
Posted 11/28/2015 11:20 AM (GMT -7)
Cathy it is with great sadness that I try to offer some kind of support for you in these trying times..you have always been so brave and shown so much love. CONTINUE. He would want it that way.. I am sure he knew what he had in you. you have shown that to all. God bless...NEPOL
Posted 11/28/2015 12:32 PM (GMT -7)
Oh, Moon...just got back home after a quick visit with our son and I'm devastated and sick at heart to
read that Don has passed. Your true soul mate and companion. I'm so sorry, my friend.
Tears and Hugs,

Lisa and Frank

Post Edited (redheadskier) : 11/28/2015 12:54:13 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/28/2015 1:57 PM (GMT -7)
Thank you Lisa and Frank. I am shattered and feeling so desperately lonely even though my whole family is here. My best to dear Frank. Cathy, my heart is with yours today. x
Posted 11/28/2015 2:49 PM (GMT -7)
Moonlitnight,

So sorry to hear of your loss. Unbelievable that we loss another warrior.

Hugs and prayers,

Bill from Florida
Posted 11/28/2015 3:13 PM (GMT -7)
Thank you Bill. We tried everything there was to try but it was not enough. Same for many dear couples on this thread. So terribly sad.
Posted 11/28/2015 4:37 PM (GMT -7)
Just back from NC and saw the news. You have been a part of my posse since I joined this site over two years ago.
Your news is so distressing--just hurts my heart. I certainly hope, as I say to all the wonderful women here, that you will take care of YOURSELF with the same love and devotion you showed Don.
Stick around, Moon, we are here for you.
Posted 11/28/2015 6:44 PM (GMT -7)
Antonia,
So very sad to hear that you have lost your dearest Don. You were as fierce a warrior as he in this battle, and he must have been so proud to have you by his side every step of the way. Soldier on, dear, but it's your turn to be cared for now.
Our condolences,
Beth n Gary
Posted 11/28/2015 8:15 PM (GMT -7)
Margot, thank you. It is so very tough. My sister and nephew caught the first plane from the UK and she is staying for a month. I am being well cared for by a lot of loving family on both sides but I miss him so very much. xx
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