Posted 11/3/2016 5:58 PM (GMT -7)
UPDATE THURSDAY NIGHT
Big surprise really. This morning, after thinking over all our options over night, we decided to cancel the Bermuda cruise. I was able to without losing any money. It was a huge relief to me, and my wife was very understanding, she had her own private reservations about this particular trip. That's the trouble when you have to book reservations so far in advance. She was not at all upset, in fact, she suggested it doing so before I actually did. She realizes the vulnerable position I am currently in, the midst of all my ongoing VA matters.
She very happy just to on vacation all next week, plus it involves 2 full weekends. Next week, we are planning a 2-3 day outing together more local. Going to spend a day and night in Charlotte, then a day or two in Asheville. Both are close enough to be in my driving range and comfort zone, and we like both places - plenty to do, but never more than 2 hours from home. We will just enjoy her time off and some special time together.
On a separate note, had a long special meeting with one of my VA doctors, still a delicate balancing act going on. He was relieved that the cruised was cancelled. It still looks like I am heading for a period of in-patient care, perhaps starting in a couple of weeks or so. No definitive time line yet, but probably looking for a 3-6 weeks period of time. He feels, as he was afraid from the start, that the double depression is so entrenched, that I am already drug resistant, which will make it even more difficult to remedy. Feels there are more options if I were available to them in-patient, as opposed to being seen once a week from the outside.
He considers me high risk at the moment, and while I appear stable most of the time, he said that it wouldn't take much of a new event to trigger me off the deep end. That's why he's having to be extra cautious in his treatment plan.
He added one more med to the mix, and I am scheduled to see him on the 15h, at that time, unless I start showing signs (however small) of improvement, we will be making more serious plans. All of it scares me, and there are no "good" options.
At least with the cruise cancelled, I don't have to worry about having a major meltdown 1,000 miles from home. That was one of my fears about going. I never know how I am going to feel from moment to moment.
By then, I should have the final results of recent testing from my new oncologist and the neurologist, to determine if there are any medical/organic reasons for at some of what is going on with me.
He basically told me today, that the human brain can only take so much strain/stress,anxiety - even the toughest person, and you can break. He feels I passed my breaking point some time in the past, perhaps 2-3 years ago, and was in such a depressed natural state of mind, didn't realize anything was wrong or different.
We shall see