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Update: January 2nd

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Posted 1/2/2017 6:57 PM (GMT -8)
Thought it was time for an update.

Depression is hitting me harder than ever. Progress has been slow. Had a real crappy Christmas, but won't elaborate on that.

Still can't get a straight answer from my Neurologist after all these months. Everything is up in the air as usual.

Have to have a heart test at the VA tomorrow, then on Wednesday, at 6 AM, suppose to have the first of fifteen ECT sessions. I don't really want to do it, but my options are so limited, none of the meds are working, and I am at the end of my rope.

Treatments will be on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday's. Not allowed to drive for 24 hours after a session.

Still in the middle of the PTSD program, but it too is slow progress, and will be put on the back burner while the ECT is going on.

Have no idea where I am on the PC side. I see my oncologist in February, and will pick it up from there.

Best wishes to all, and hopefully a happy New Year's.
Posted 1/2/2017 7:14 PM (GMT -8)
May peace find you.
As always, you're in my thoughts and prayers,
Andrew
Posted 1/2/2017 9:06 PM (GMT -8)
Hang in there and hopefully this site helps you. I've just joined tonight and already learned a lot from others going through the same thing. We'll be thinking of you.
Posted 1/2/2017 9:48 PM (GMT -8)
Welcome, Heidero

You picked the right group/club/family to join for all things PC.

Been here for over 8 years, and still come, just not as often.

See you had surgery 5-6 days ago, so good luck with that.
Posted 1/2/2017 10:55 PM (GMT -8)
I agree, hang in there man. At least you have treatment plans lined up for everything. Just keep knocking at them as they come. Best of luck on the ECT treatments and heart test. Take care! -JR
Posted 1/3/2017 5:20 AM (GMT -8)
It sounds like you're at least making some progress - maybe not on all fronts, but at least you can check off some of the boxes and free up some mind time to deal with the others.

We'll be here. Feel free to vent. Sometimes that helps.
Posted 1/3/2017 10:07 AM (GMT -8)
Thanks for the update David. Wishing you and your family a better 2017.
Michael
Posted 1/3/2017 4:37 PM (GMT -8)
Thanks.

Passed the heart test as expected, though for the first time, some portions showed up abnormal and will have to be investigated.

Thought about delaying the ECT for two weeks, but my doctor just happened to call me as I was driving, and convinced me to stay on course. Said I was in a too dangerous and fragile frame of mind to take a gamble. Said to go for it. So that's the current game plan.
Posted 1/3/2017 9:46 PM (GMT -8)
Hi David, all the best to you and family for 2017, and hope things become a bit easier for you my friend, I myself am doing ok, off the Zoladex, and PSA 0.02, been 9and1/2 years since it has been that low.

Regards Mal.
Posted 1/4/2017 12:40 AM (GMT -8)
Hi David ~ Happy to hear you passed the heart exam (for the most part). I know you do get to the point that enough is enough with all these tests, but it seems your doctor really wants the ECT started. Good luck with that. I know things are getting more and more complicated. Hang in there dear friend. You are in our thoughts and prayers! Here we are in a new year. May it be a better year!

Aimzee & Ron
Posted 1/4/2017 5:15 AM (GMT -8)
David - What's the possible heart issue? I've been through some of those, and have some resources for information if your need is similar to what they know. My issues have been related to valve replacement and rhythm/pacemaker issues.
Posted 1/4/2017 8:27 AM (GMT -8)
Wish you the best with the ECT treatments. Sounds like your doctor really believes that it will do you good. I am sure that you have asked enough questions to make you feel comfortable that the treatment is worth any side effects.

Wish you a better 2017, hope it's a year which brings some answers and competent medical professionals in your corner.
Posted 1/4/2017 5:31 PM (GMT -8)
Well, I am full of surprises. In the end, I did not start the ECT treatments today. At 2 AM, after talking it through with my wife again (she got in from work late), I felt I needed at least another week or more to think through everything. Didn't make the people at the hospital too happy with me, but its my choice. When I went into SRT, I went against my gut feeling, and look where that got me. A total disaster.

I need some more proof or assurance that I am not putting my long term (in particular) and my short term memory at risk. I don't want to solve one problem, only to create a worse problem.

I have to be able to walk into the treatment room feeling 100% like I am doing the right thing for me.

Did have a good session with my PTSD therapist today. Instead of our normal routine and going over homework, she decided to spend the time just talking with me, and we covered a lot of ground.

She still feels I have a very serious form of PTSD, one that is going to take a lot more work to resolve. She told me about a special program the VA offers in NC, where PTSD victims go in-patient for 6 weeks, and work as groups. I am checking into the possibility.

For all those with bad dealings with the VA, I can hardly complain. They have been good for me, and as they claimed, they have unlimited resources at their disposal, and they don't mind spending it on a patient if needed. I am getting far better care then I ever would with private insurance.

We will see what happens next.

Thanks Mal, Aimzee and An, and everyone else
Posted 1/4/2017 5:47 PM (GMT -8)
Purgatory,

I think that your giving pause to aggressive steps is laudable.

I recently read the book Being Mortal by Dr. Atul Gawande, and he encourages that patients with serious illness consider these five questions when pondering further aggressive measures (actually, the author encourages doctors to raise these questions with patients to better understand their wishes and provide better total care):

    1. What is your understanding of where you are and of your illness?
    2. Your fears or worries for the future
    3. Your goals and priorities
    4. What outcomes are unacceptable to you? What are you willing to sacrifice and not?
    5. What would a good day look like?


These are good questions for all of us to keep in mind, and the author particularly stresses the first question which should be raised by doctors to assure that the patient sees his/her own case with a clear-eye.

Best wishes
Posted 1/5/2017 4:21 AM (GMT -8)
David,

I think we've got to the point with you that one can say:
Who knows what will happen next!

Best Wishes, as always, and Happy New Year!

Alf
Posted 1/5/2017 5:27 AM (GMT -8)
The VA is certainly a study in extremes, isn't it? When they're good, they are very, very good. When they are bad. . .

My daughter used to work at a major VA hospital, in the in-patient psych unit. She took her work, and her patients, very seriously. She told me that any psychologist/counselor working with a population such as the VA is highly likely to be in therapy themselves. It is really serious business, and these men and women deserve the very best care we can find for them. After all, these are the men and women who signed that big check "in the amount of anything up to and including their lives" for the rest of us.

Sorry for the mini-rant, and my sincere thanks to all who served and continue to serve.
Posted 1/5/2017 9:01 AM (GMT -8)
Jack:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

1. What is your understanding of where you are and of your illness?
2. Your fears or worries for the future
3. Your goals and priorities
4. What outcomes are unacceptable to you? What are you willing to sacrifice and not?
5. What would a good day look like?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I haven't read the book, so I'll just comment on these items.

#1-3, no comment. These are always important.

#4 is the most crucial, yet the most indeterminant. If I take any medication, the list of SE can be quite sobering. I bet there are SE that are totally unacceptable. So, you now have to factor in the probability of such SE. As one who is on intermittant HT, the long list of serious SE is daunting. Many are unacceptable (heart attack, death, etc.). Sadly, some of the serious SE are not that rare. It's a balancing act. So, you have to include a knowledge of the probability of said SE.

Not sure what #5 really means. Better to say: what do you hope to gain? Not sure if that's the same thing.

Purg-- glad you are reconsidering. You have to think it through to your satisfaction.

Mel
Posted 1/5/2017 11:58 AM (GMT -8)
Thanks for keeping us updated.
Posted 1/8/2017 5:59 PM (GMT -8)
David,
Been keeping you in my thoughts & prayers..
Checking here every few days.
Thnx for updates &, as always, sharing how & why you look at treatments, etc.. Helpful when others need to make choices.

(Could not remember my login info & loading a new software update screwed up my tablet months ago... was unable to log into the mail where logon info is, but figured the next update would correct the glitch & it finally happened )

I Kept copy of Barb's online photo- I look at it, remembering her encouragements for others & think of how sweet she was, in just the short time I 'knew' her. Always Helps me to not be discouraged when I start having a pity party. Blessed to have met her.
Posted 1/8/2017 9:16 PM (GMT -8)
Thank you David, it is good that you remember that you are not alone and, that there are many who look forward to your recovery.
Posted 1/8/2017 9:57 PM (GMT -8)
As always, thank you for checking in and sharing your story with everyone David. I truly hope this year is a good (much better) one for you.

Post Edited (Jaybee&GG) : 1/20/2017 1:56:44 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/8/2017 10:48 PM (GMT -8)
Thanks one and all. Just survived another weekend. Had 4" of snow here in western SC, had to rescue my wife from work Friday night. Had to pick her up at 2 AM, as she's terrified to drive in snow. It was a 14 mile round trip, all up and down steep hills, with no sanding, no road salt, and no plowing of course. Really had me on edge, as I postponed all my late evening meds knowing I would probably be picking her up. But it was a safe trip.

Diane, thanks in particular, and reminding me of our departed Barb. I've known a lot of people (mostly men) who haven't made it over my years here, but I never knew anyone that suffered so much, for so long, and with such dignity and grace as did Barb. I still miss her and her kind words, but I am happy she is in a place of no suffering and no more tears. She was a Saint for sure.
Posted 1/9/2017 12:45 PM (GMT -8)
Glad to know your good deed of rescuing your wife from the snow was successful! Sounds harrowing.
Posted 1/9/2017 4:32 PM (GMT -8)
It only snows once or twice a winter here, usually only on nights when she works. She had worked over 12 hours on that shift and was already punchy. She didn't need the stress of clearing off her car, warming it up, and making a very dangerous drive home alone at 2 AM. I am always up till 4 AM, so it was no sweat. Plus, that's what husbands are suppose to do, aren't they?
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