halbert, I’ve been away for a few days and didn’t see this when it was posted on 4/6…I’m going to address your original post. Your original post seems to make no effort to tie your thread’s title on “sexuality” to the body of your post which discusses sexual desire. I skimmed over most of the other responses, but, your initial confusion of issues from the onset has set-off a confusing cacophony of responses almost all seem to be talking about
some aspect of failed desire or capability, and very little about sexuality
, which is the main point in your Subject line……so I’ll just address your original Subject/post.
I’ll share my observation on sexuality and how it interacts with sexual desire starting in the next paragraph…but first let me be sure to clarify that the impacts of castration—whether chemical or surgical—are without question. We should call castration what it is, and not hide behind the silly backwards comments we see like “I’m getting hormone shots” which is a common post but isn’t even accurate. But most of what I address here, halbert, is for you and me (we’re same age, very similar favorable-risk case histories) and the gazillions of men with PC who fall into a category similar to us who have NOT undergone castration, as well as a lot of men who have not had the pleasure of being diagnosed with PC.
My personal observation. I am a member of the YMCA near my house, and have been going since I moved in nearly 27 years ago. I go a lot in mornings before work and use the locker room to shower and change, then drive directly to my office…a lot of guys use the locker room (particularly the older generation), and there’s a lot of guys who have also been doing so for years. My personality is more quite and reserved (believe it!), but some guys can be real blabber-mouths in the locker room. There’s a lot of stupid jokes like “the 3 stages of married sex” in the locker room, but moreover, a lot of whining about
how they are not having sexual relations anymore. But I look at them and think, “It’s no wonder…if you took care of yourself a little more, you might actually attract rather than repel your wife.” Flabby (yes, it’s the Y, but a lot of the older guys are there more for the conversation than the exercise). Unshaven, other than about
once a week or so. Holey, ragged underwear…who wants to see that? It’s not a stretch to visualize their homelife and why they aren't gettin' any…
To me, sexuality is much more than what my wife and I do in bed, it’s how we live our lives and interact with each other…and I can guarantee you that it enhances what we do in bed (like a closed-loop feedback process). It’s how we smile at each other when we pass going opposite directions in the house. It’s how I periodically say “Hello beautiful” in response to her “Hello” when I call her on my way home from work. It’s how she tells me she thinks its “hot” when she sees me cooking, which of course leads me to want to do more of the cooking. It’s how we kiss each and every time we leave for work or walk in the door after work, and probably 10 other times during the day. It’s how I send her a dozen roses every Valentine’s Day, and how she glows when she receives them at work (and amazingly is one of only a very few women who receive flowers on that day). It’s how I rub her butt and kiss the back of her neck, then she shows the me goosebumps that it gives her. This is how we live our lives…sharing feelings of sexuality throughout the day. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what’s going on in the homelives of these guys at the Y who are whining about
not having sexual relations.
And then it should be no surprise that when we are sharing relations together in bed, or on the couch, or on the boat, that we share an enthusiasm which makes the experience vigorous and fulfilling…and frequent. That’s how we live our lives. And believe me, neither of us is perfect—post-menopause she’s the keeper of the lube, and post-RP I’m the keeper of the tadalafil pills—but that’s life, too.
opening post under the Subject line of “Post treatment sexuality” didn’t seem to address sexuality in any way, only failed sexual desire…but I contend they are related and perhaps dependent on each other. I think it’s sad how too many men have resolved to “just getting by” or “it is what it is,” because signs are that (again, castration aside) their disinterest grew out of an absence of sexuality (and, I contend, effort) rather than the other way around.
My observations. halbert, what’s your thoughts on the importance of sexuality on desire?
Post Edited (Blackjack) : 4/9/2019 3:51:21 PM (GMT-6)