Posted 7/26/2019 8:49 AM (GMT -7)
Yes, it's Friday again. Joke time.
If you like "goes into a bar" jokes, today's you're lucky day. Below is a modest assortment of jokes in said format, hopefully for your Friday amusement.
Makes a fellow want to go into a bar and tell a "goes into a bar" joke!
A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he's drinking. He says, "Magic beer. You want one?" "Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" she says. "Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into the bar through the window. "Wow, that's amazing! I don't believe it!" she says. "Hey, barkeep, throw me another one o' them Magic Beers," the fellow says. The bartender shakes his head, but pours another beer and slides it down the bar. The man chugs about half of it and proceeds to leap out the window again, circle the building, once again, and fly back in. "Here, you try it" he says to the blonde. "Well, okay," she says. So she takes a big gulp, jumps out of the window, and falls the few feet down to the ground, breaking her leg, and begins screaming in pain. The bartender then says, "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
Three mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a beer." The second one says, "I'll have half a beer." The third one says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." Then the bartender draws and puts just three beers on the bar. The mathematicians are all like, "That's all you're giving us? How drunk do you expect us to get on just three beers?" The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits!"
(and in similar vein):
ƒ(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar and says "Hey Bartender, if I show you something you've never seen before would you give me a beer?" The bartender says, "Sure, okay, but it's gotta be something I've never seen before." So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hamster and sets it on the bar. The hamster runs down the bar, jumps on the floor, runs over to the piano, jumps up on the keys and starts playing jazz. "Wow, that's amazing!" the bartender says, "a hamster playing piano! Sure, I'll give you a beer!" The man gets his beer and sits there, slowly enjoying it. A little while later he says, "Hey, bartender, if I show you something else you've never seen before, will you give me another beer?" The bartender, still impressed with the piano-playing hamster, says "Sure!" So the man reaches into his pocket again and pulls out a frog, and puts it on the bar. The frog hops over to the bartender, stands up on its hind legs, and starts singing "Sweet Adeline." Amazed, the bartender says, "Wow! A piano-playing hamster and a singing frog! Just fantastic!" So the bartender gives the man another beer and the man sits there drinking it for a while. But after a few minutes the man seems remorseful, almost guilty about something, and he says to the bartender "I'm gonna have to be honest with you. I lied. That frog can't really sing." The bartender says "But I heard him singing myself, with my own ears!" "No, not really," the man says. "The hamster is a ventriloquist."
A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Everybody have a happy Friday!