I started my SRT yesterday, so 2 sessions of 34 down... I look at the ceiling and start feeling sorry for myself. I'm not supposed to be here! Maybe it's the Lupron (1 month in) working its magic, but I gotta figure some way outta this funk. I think they sense my angst. So, this post is just an effort to express the way I feel right now.
It's probably the ADT plus all of your accumulated stress. It happens. Lupron takes about
a month to kick in and makes us guys tend to cry a lot. I'm trying to review your history from this thread: https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=4140786&g=4140786#m4140786
but TBH too many personal triggers. When I was put on Lupron I'd been depressed for a couple of years already (from the early biopsies and such). Plus my wife and I have been dealing with others cancers, very rare, not much online support.
By the time she's finished chemo I had started an antidepressant, venlafaxine. I had to fight to get it. And I had seen a lot
of bald heads by then. The ven really helped, but by the time I started RT I'd been on Lupron for eight months already, so I was sort of accustomed to it. And I struck up a friendship with another guy in the RO's waiting room who was about
a week behind me and we talked a lot throughout. Then hurricane Irma swept thru and a lot of us lost power for a week or so. Florida with NO AC!!
For much of my treatment (and my wife's) I spent a lot of time online reading other people's stories. I believed that we were both very fortunate that our cancers were caught before they had gone any further. We had hope, and I was constantly reminding myself that finally I was able to fight this cancer. I imagined the little cancer cells dying a horrible death. Okay, maybe not so uplifting.
Remember that you've already been thru a tremendous war, and this is the final battle. You WILL BE victorious.
2014-15: PSA's 9, 12, 20, 25, Neg DRE's, false neg TRUS biopsy
6/16: New Uro, MRI Fusion biopsy, 6 pos Rt Base (15-40-100%) G8(4+4)
8/16: DaVinci RP, multifocal EPE, PNI, 11 LN-, 53g/25%, BL SVI, Grp4, pT3b
1/17: Started Lupron ADT, PSA's ~.03
5/17: AMS800 implant, revised 6/17
8/17: 39 tx RapidArc IMRT (70 Gy)
4/18: Dx Radiation Colitis & more
1/18 - 7/19: PSA's <0.008, T~12