Posted 8/17/2021 7:29 PM (GMT -6)
“They” say attitude goes a long way in “healing”/sustaining and living a quality life.
What if a great attitude is based on denial though?
At our last appointment Jeff’s radiation oncologist explained that doctors who give a life expectancy are usually wrong. The RO said he looks at it more as do these circumstances meet weeks, months, years. When considering brain metastases, he said months.
I would agree that no one can put a number on people. For every person whose case goes “by the book”, there’s another person who has beat all odds, and yet another person who never catches a break and is gone in the blink of an eye. Nonetheless, I don’t think it’s “wrong” to know that it’s within the realm of possibilities that we might only have months left with Jeff.
That doesn’t mean anyone has given up hope or that Jeff has laid down his sword in this battle. In fact, providing that his pain is managed, he actually feels pretty good and he’s still working!!! It’s truly hard to grasp that he could soon slip away.
Our daughter, Channing, went to the appointment yesterday. Our son, Drake, couldn’t make it. I updated Drake with all that we learned, what was going to happen going forward, and the possible timeframe on his father’s life.
Understandably, Drake was upset. Drake promptly went to his father’s house, still upset.
Meanwhile, Jeff is texting me and he’s clearly VERY upset with me indicating that’s NOT what the doctor said.
I mean, what was I even supposed to say? Basically I felt like my position was to argue with Jeff … “you are too dying!” I mean seriously! I didn’t want to clarify the doctor’s words and I DIDN’T, but I also didn’t want to apologize or imply I’m the one who misunderstood.
Drake largely copes with Jeff’s illness by clinging to good news and avoidance. I worry that when Jeff passes (whenever that may be), that Drake will look back on this time with remorse and regret. As it’s possible that Jeff may start to decline in the upcoming months, I again encouraged Drake to spend time with his father.
Jeff in turn tells Drake “he’s fine” and in regards to the brain metastases, that radiation will “fix” it. That’s simply not true, perhaps wonderful if Jeff believes that, but it’s heart wrenching to see our son cling to false hope.
I’m not sure what I “want” by posting this. I’m not even sure this is a good time to close my thoughts. My thoughts are all over the place and often contradicting.