As a minister's daughter, I can relate. You two are the ones everyone else has leaned on all these years. Your congregation and then some. You have been the strong ones 24 hours a day, each and every year. When something like this happens, it's very hard to reach out to those folks in return.
My heart goes out to you and your wife. A brother of my new sister-in-law was recently diagnosed with a PSA count of 500+ (with spreading) at the age of 78. The first doctor told him he had three weeks to live and they placed him in hospice care. BUT, the next doctor did testing and decreed him fine for at least another five years, if not longer. He's home, enjoying life again and feeling great. (I do not know what treatments he is undergoing, as yet.)
There IS hope - as many others on here will tell you, too.