Losses

I try to think about the losses from cancer in small portions. In too big a dose it can be overwhelming. Because my cancerous prostate has been removed it doesn't end the consequences of having had prostate cancer. Cancer is on my list of the most difficult experiences in life, which also includes the loss of a parent when a child, the Vietnam War, divorce, and alcoholism.

It is difficult to deal with the loss of my prostate. There are issues that I continue to face as a consequence. There is a line of reasoning that says, "You should be happy because the cancer is out. Any other problems that are a consequence of removing the cancer are incidental." Yes, I am happy the cancer is out, and no, other issues (physical, emotional, spiritual)are not incidental.

Having had cancer has subtly changed me in ways that I am still sorting out. I am not the person I was before learning that I had prostate cancer. That's a good thing in many ways, but I have lost forever the person I was then. I have hope that what is lost is nothing compared to what is gained. But there are losses nonetheless. And losses must be grieved. Otherwise I become a cancer victim rather than a cancer survivor.