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sundance
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/3/2006 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
  My boyfriend recently had robotic prostate surgery 6 months ago.  He is taking
  viagra and can acheive a pretty good erection, but can't sustain it for sexual   
  activity.  We have only been together a year, and we had a very active sex life.
  so this is really hard for him.  I am doing fine because I am happy to have him
  alive and well.  I can't help but worry,  because as time goes on he becomes more depressed ,  and all I can say is that I am happy and love him very much.  Is there
 any advice from the men on how we can help support you guys more emotionally. 
  He knows that I love him, but feels guilty about not having sex.  Thanks for any
responses!!!!!  He is 49 years old.
                 Sundance 

Swimom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1732
   Posted 10/3/2006 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Sundance,
Doll, if he can achieve an erection, head over to the adult store and get a couple of different sizes of the stretchy erection rings. A little KY and a little refill once its on and life will be very nice for both of you. The rings don't need to be all that tight when he is able to achieve an erection. If he's a large then get a large in otherwords. That little extra help may be all he needs. Good Luck
Swim

sterd82
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 10/3/2006 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm a bit younger than your boyfriend, and I can relate to feeling "shot down in your prime"....it can be depressing.  We're having decent results with vacuum therepy.  I got mine from my doctor.   It seems a little weird at first, but it works.   It also uses a tension ring like Swimom suggested.   My doc says its good therepy to get the blood flowing anyway --- maybe some day I won't even need it.
 
Hope this helps a bit!

M. Kat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 715
   Posted 10/4/2006 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I can only speak from a wife's point of view, but sex is not just intercourse. my husband had surgery 5 weeks ago and does not have erections yet. he can have climaxes and is willing to keep trying. I'm sure your boyfriend is dealing with the entire thing of having cancer, surgery, recovery, and realizing that his life is not the same as before. I can tell that my husband is fighting to keep a positive attitude because it's not always easy. all I can say is keep telling him and showing that you love him no matter what. maybe he could talk with his doctor, a counselor, pastor, or even come here to chat with other men who have been through the same thing. best wishes to you both...
Husband Jeff 56 years old
diagnosed July 27, 2006
PSA 6.5
2 positive areas in biopsy, Gleason 3+3=6
Radical Retropubic Prostatectomy August 30, 2006


sundance
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/4/2006 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
well thanks for all your input. I will try the rings and see if it helps. For those of you who have
had this surgery, what sort of recovery time are you guys experiencing before you are sexually active, and I am getting the feeling that sex will never be the same, but as couples
we have to keep trying to have a sex life, but that things will never be the same? is that the
cold truth or do people have "sucess stories " to share.
sundance

Swimom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1732
   Posted 10/4/2006 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Sundance,

Keep woking on the erections. I can "almost' promise you he is going to function again. He already is if he's getting erections. It may require a little vitiman V,L or C for a good while yet. he may need meds forever. There is just no perfect answer. The average man takes about 9 months to see real improvement and thats just the beginning. Nerves heal at a rate of approximately an inch a month and there are about 8.5 inches of nerves that must regenerate. Now, that isn't to say it'll be 8 months and a man will be perfect. It may be up to two years for the final result to be seen.

The BF is defiantely doing okay! Now relax and let life happen! You two new loves need some quality time not focused on the physical....go bowling!!!! Do anything together. I find doing social things takes us away from our selves and on to enjoying the fellowship of others. Hang in there! Swim

sundance
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/4/2006 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Swim,
That was a very informative response. We even sat together last week end and was wondering what is actually healing, and he really didn't know. So I started asking around and was told that it is the nerves regenerating as you stated. You see, I want him to understand that it is a long recovery, that we will be okay, and we have grown alot closer,
because we have found out that we have more than sex in common. You are correct , we
started out locked up in the room when we first met, now we are dating, and getting to really
know each other, and that is the posotive part. But I will share this with him, in hopes that he can keep a more positive attitude. I am in for the long haul , no matter what happens. I
have learned that there is more to people than sex, there is their heart and spiritual side, and
that is why I won't give up on him. Having prostate cancer does not give men a sentence to
be lonely, or not be in able to have love in there lives, so because I choose to be with him,
I have to cope and deal with whatever this brings are way!!!! Thanks again for your insight,
I feel better......and i keep telling him...Patience,Time ,and Healing is our motto!!!
sundance

Wicket
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 316
   Posted 10/4/2006 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Sundance,
You have a wonderful outlook and your boyfriend is very lucky to have you.  Just keep reminding him that you love him with or without sex!!  And like Swim says....at least I think it was Swim....there are a lot of ways to satisfy each other beside the old fashion way.  yeah

Ellen
 
 
Curtis, 63,  Diagnosed Aug 21, 2006
T1C
Gleason 3+3=6, 3+4=7
PSA 4.10
 
Bone Scan Negative!!
 
DiVinci surgery done on October 3rd, 2006
 
 


1mikec
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 11/2/2006 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm only 3 months post surgery.
Dr has me on small doses of Cialis and using a vacuum pump.
Erections come with the pump but limp (not stiff).
There’s no sign of an erection when viewing erotic pictures or when my wife tries to bring it on.
Everyone tells me it'll take in excess of 9 months (6 more).

On a positive note:
I've climaxed (with no ejaculation). (I didn't believe it would be possible.)
I got my wife to climax using my hand/fingers (she was happy about that).

I'm positive all will work correctly eventually
Mike C

sterd82
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 11/2/2006 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Mike C:
 
We're on the same regimen....I'm now just 5 months past surgury--- doing Cialis and pump.   I didn't have a lot of luck at first, and it took a while to get the hang of the pump --- I use the one from Timm Medical and called their tech support line a couple of times and they helped.   After a few tries, am able to have adeqaute erection for successful intercourse with my wife.  Not as firm as the good old days, but overall not bad.
 
 
Hang in there, brother.... it can only improve from here, right?
 
Sterd82

Sterd82
Age 46
Open Radical Prostatectomy 6/9/2006
Pathological Stage T3a, Positive Surgical Margin
Gleason 3+4
Post surgury PSA has fluctuated between .04 and .09


1mikec
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 11/2/2006 5:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sterd82,
I'm glad you're doing so well.

Mike C (in Milwaukee)
Age 66
"da Vinci" Robotic Laparoscopic 8-11-06
Pathological Stage T2a
Gleason 3+4=7
Cancer contained in prostate :-)
Post surgury PSA - Will find out on 11-20-06

Post Edited (1mikec) : 11/2/2006 5:09:21 PM (GMT-7)

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