Hi Sara, I bet you had a wonderful weekend! We did the same thing and I can't tell you how special it was.
For us, as for intimacy after surgery, I just let my husband know that I was there for him in any way he needed me and I just tried to follow his lead. I did not put any pressure on him. I felt like it was very important to go at his pace. However, he was very anxious to try things out and I could see, and I somehow understood, that it was important for him mentally to know if things would be the same or not. It was only three weeks for us after an open surgery. I was very worried about him trying it so soon, physically as well as mentally. I was scared that it might not, and probably would not work so soon after surgery and I was desperately worried about what effect that might have on him mentally. Luckily and thankfully, things worked....pretty darned good to! It was a wonderful surprise and worked wonders for his mental healing and also to lift his spirits.
I believe this is the hardest part for all our guys. I told my husband before surgery, and I meant it, that I didn't care if we could not have the intimacy of intercourse ever again as long as I still had him. That part of the relationship to me is very minor at this point in time, especially when weighed against his life. But..... I think this is one of those "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus" things that the women and men just many times feel differenty about and can't really understand the others feelings. It was important to my husband, mentally, as I'm sure it is to all the other men, that they retain this function. Not only for us as their mates and believing that this is required and somehow their duty, so to say, to prove their manhood to us, but I also got the feeling that my husband would somehow think himself inferior to other men without this function. To me, these thoughts are rediculous but I understand, on some level, how or why men can feel this way. I think it goes very deep, probably even primal on some level!
These are some of my very, very personal thoughts and feelings and things that I just seemed to sense from him. I don't really know how to explain it or if this is even what you were meaning. Maybe I'm way off base on both.
I just think its important to let them know how much we love them and that we will be there for them no matter what. I still follow his lead and don't try to pressure him in that area. He just had the need to know where he stood in that department as soon as possible. I reminded him there are all kinds of devices available to help if needed. We do use Viagra.
Sara, You will know what to do and be able to sense what he needs. Just be loving and patient and understanding and everything will be fine.
Husband diagnosed May 2006 at age 50. RRP performed 13 July 06.
PSA 5.7, Gleason 3+4=7, Staged T2C, Cancer confined to prostate.