My Journey, Week four.
First...Congrats, Ben, on the double zeros last month. As I read more on the web I become more confused at times about this disease. My first reaction was actually quiet, inqusitive and confused. I remember my Dr. saying "you probably are hearing only part of what I've said after being told about the cancer..." but that wasn't my experience at all. I heard everything, understood it well, and was seemingly prepared after studying the initial PSA test and what it might mean. I guess that's my form of shock. Then I come back to earth and start processing the data again. Only 44, PSA 13.9, Gleason 7, treatment types, side effects, Dr's visits, etc. I ask, why does Ben have a much lower PSA but such a high Gleason? This is truly a mysterious illness. Luckily, I have an insurance company to, er, piss me off enough to keep me focussed. I am taking Cialis, and my insurance company has the prescription for it and after two of six refills had decided that now they won't honor this prescription. Also, they call it a "life-style" drug. The stopped sending it without notice and I ran out. Why do I tell this story? Because it was refreshing when I told it to my Doctors, they went in back and brought out samples galore. They understood, better than I did, the fear I was having about being this young and and the possiblility of impotence was affecting me more than I knew myself. Silly. I HAVE insurance, my wife says all she cares about is my HEALTH, my friends, like yourselves, are sharing incredible LOVE. I am actually very lucky. And besides, I can buy the darn Cialis myself. So for this week, my plans are still February surgery. January, is now, and I choose to have fun. At least as much as possible. I have also joined the Nevada Bluegrass Society after meeting some members at Zion NP. I play Dobro and guitar. Done so for over thirty years, but kept the day job. They don't know about my illness, and keep prodding me to join their bands. I like that. I think I'll keep my secret and just keep playing. Music really does provide me a healthy catylist that I trust. I just took on a new student also. I haven't done that in a while. My mind is now, I believe, healthier than ever. It's only been four weeks knowing that I live with cancer and I'm already tired of dwelling on it. Some of you are saying "my, he sure is in for some reality when he goes through treatment, and maybe depression". NOPE. Not me. When we lost our baby, (ten years, two days and about three hours ago), THAT was depression. This is just a bump in the road. I hope my story touches someone in a positive light. I keep reading the spots at this site. If for no other reason, it makes me feel better. Thank you Lee & Buddy, et al. I'll check in again next week. God Bless,