This thread is the result of a brief interchange that Raheeb and I had on another posting regarding lack of support thru this ordeal. I am not writing this looking for sympathy or by any means to downgrade my other half. Maybe it will
open some other eyes to an important aspect of this ordeal that I personally found lacking. When I first recieved the results of my biopsy I contacted my wife immediately, we both knew in the back of our minds it was going to come out as cancer. She took the news over the phone very matter of factly and said we would discuss when we got home. At home no tears, no hugs just a matter of fact discussion about
doing research prior to a meeting with the surgeon (several months down the road yet). I find it strange that my wife had really no desire to let everyone know. I did because I believe in the power of prayer and thought the more people on my side the better. I think that is because she gladly welcomes the weight of the world on her shoulders, she thrives on helping others. But in my case it felt that my situation would be a burden to others and she could just not have that. When we did meet and tell people she would give me her patented look, like don't bother them, and quickly change the topic to ask others about
their problems and how she could help. All along her attitude was, you have a cancer that is highly cured, so why are you making a big deal out of it. Sorry but as I have posted before, my father died of cancer at age 60, which now I may believe was prostate cancer, my Mother died of cancer at 64 and I had a brother die when he was 15 from a brain tumor. So as you can see it was a big deal to me.
When we went in for surgery, the requisite 2 hours ahead of time there were no tears, hugging or any other emotion. Just another day another surgery. When I look back I think I did get a peck on the cheek when they wheeled me to surgery. Out of surgey again no outward sign of emotion (god when I write this it sounds terrible). I won't go into after surgery care too long.
When we went to get the catheter out, I also got my prescription for ED drugs and a brochure on a Vacumm Pump. Not once after that did the pump ever come up, she has yet to ask how I am doing in regard to penile rehabilitation. I don't think she wants to know. One comment made earlier looking at possible after effects of surgery being swollen testicles, she said "don't expect me to help with that".I did not even tell her I got the vacurect and god help me if that info should ever get out to anyone. God help me anyway for writing this because this would not go over well with her. As I told Swim my wife is very private and considers our life just that. That is why I went looking for a site like this and I am so glad I found it. Somewhere where you can have frank discussions and not worry about the outcome. You can see why I jokingly asked M.Kat to marry me. Reading posts from wives that 100% supportive and look for creative ways to help their men through this recovery kind of makes me jealous. I don't know what to do. After reading the above it certainly appears I made my wife to be some kind of ice cold person, Maybe this is her way of dealing with things. We have been married for over 34 years. Yes if you do the math I was 18 and her 20 at the time. How many guys do you know marriied at 18 this long. I hate to throw it away but I am young enough to start over. I have tried to get her to counseling but she would never have discussions with outsiders regarding us. I really apologize for this I could go on for hours. But as Pete says it good to get this down in writing because it does help. Thanks for listening.