Izzy,
My sex life prior to surgery was a call of arousal.
Now, in Week 14, it seems more a call to keep the tissues viable and nerves rehabilitating..... keeping the "call of arousal" option open. It is work.
While I have never been married, I empathize with all of you working on this aspect of the relationship. My previous attempt at a joke about Alfalfa bemoaning his loss of his "personality" doesn't seem funny here as the fragile male ego is not the critical issue in marriage. Loyalty and toleration seem paramount.
Research of couples married over 50 years indicates only one thing they all have in common. They are married to their best friends.
Wishing all of you couples are forever best of friends - and in perfect health.
CCedar