Partial quote taken from new thread started by lifeline on
08-28-07 lifeline's husbands update
Helping to keep her journey together during a very stressful time.
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The last two days have seen a great difference in my husbands condition. his energy is mostly back, his pain in upper back is only occasional and he is fully on all meds. huge difference. finding you folks has been a huge blessing for me. thank you for your strength, understanding, hope, compassion, caring, sharing, and not judging. just been through some of the judging with a couple of family members. except for having to go to work which i sure wish we could financially afford for me not to, i haven't left my husbands side. an overnight camping trip with my oldest daughter, daughter-in law, and grandchildren had been planned for one night. two family members asked me how i could think of going when my husband was sick. i felt so guilty for even thinking about this overnight trip that i cancelled. at that point, i lost it and went where i could be alone, (we live in the country) yelled, cried, threw things and punched trees. i was so suddenly angry at the cancer, angry at not being to go on this one thing i had looked so forward to, and then the immense guilt i felt for wanting to do this was overwhelming. my husband wanted me to go and take one night for myself. i thought, he is sick and i'm being selfish for being angry. has anyone else gone through this. this is the first time this has happened to me. also, i feel like i'm so wrapped up in being his caregiver, that i've lost the ability to be his wife. this just hit me yesterday. how do i put this cancer aside for awhile and just be a wife. i'm so consumed with doing everything i can to help him stay alive and beat this that i've gotten lost in it. if anyone has any suggestions they are appreciated. anyway, keep up the fight, stay strong in your battle, each and everyone of you are in my prayers each night and if i can contribute anything that will help someone, i will. you folks are my lifeline. sorry if i sounded full of self pity. not usually like this. god bless all of you. lifeline