lifeline's husbands update

hi everyone: if this is another repeat i apologize. i'm still trying to find my way around here and i keep posting other places. i think i finally figured out my mistake. anyway if this post is doubled sorry. the last two days have seen a great difference in my husbands condition. his energy is mostly back, his pain in upper back is only occasional and he is fully on all meds.  huge difference.  finding you folks has been a huge blessing for me. thank you for your strength, understanding, hope, compassion, caring, sharing, and not judging. just been through some of the judging with a couple of family members. except for having to go to work which i sure wish we could financially afford for me not to, i haven't left my husbands side. an overnight camping trip with my oldest daughter, daughter-in law, and grandchildren had been planned for one night. two family members asked me how i could think of going when my husband was sick. i felt so guilty for even thinking about this overnight trip that i cancelled. at that point, i lost it and went where i could be alone, (we live in the country) yelled, cried, threw things and punched trees. i was so suddenly angry at the cancer, angry at not being to go on this one thing i had looked so forward to, and then the immense guilt i felt for wanting to do this was overwhelming. my husband wanted me to go and take one night for myself. i thought, he is sick and i'm being selfish for being angry. has anyone else gone through this. this is the first time this has happened to me. also, i feel like i'm so wrapped up in being his caregiver, that i've lost the ability to be his wife. this just hit me yesterday. how do i put this cancer aside for awhile and just be a wife. i'm so consumed with doing everything i can to help him stay alive and beat this that i've gotten lost in it. if anyone has any suggestions they are appreciated. anyway, keep up the fight, stay strong in your battle, each and everyone of you are in my prayers each night and if i can contribute anything that will help someone, i will. you folks are my lifeline. sorry if i sounded full of self pity. not usually like this. god bless all of you.  lifeline 

Everyone on this forum understands your frustration, worry, fear, guilt and anger. We've all been there -- at least I know I have. I believe it's OK to need and take time for yourself -- That way you're in better shape to be there for your husband when he needs you most. Stay with us. We'll stay with you.

puget

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Puget

Right now I wish you & I were having a cup of coffee together, in my kitchen, so you could say whatever you need to and NOT feel any guilt because of it.
I think by coming here and saying so plainly and honestly how you feel is a big move on your part. I appreciate so much that you did. I swear to G-d that helps all of us so much.

Lifeline - I say this with kindness - you should've gone on your planned trip...it sounded like a wonderful thing to do for you and for your girls. That IS how you save yourself...those moments that you share with your precious kids is an opportunity for you to draw strength from them. You need that time. THAT'S how you put the cancer aside and you get some relief from this. You wind up better for it and so does your husband, lifeline. You cannot be everything to someone else. It sounds like your husband is doing better and wanted you to go...the other family members were out of line. Would I be safe in saying your husband would not appreciate they said that to you? But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

Your anger was justified and a big step towards to seeing cancer for what it really is. cancer is a liar...the guilt is a lie. cancer is a thief...it doesn't want to just take away health, it wants to take away peace and confidence and replace that with fear. cancer is selfish...it wants all the attention. It wants to control everything and everyone around it. And it will if you let it. Please don't let it, for both your sakes.

I speak from experience, it's hard work but it's something you will get through. This is tough but you will be tougher. I don't believe your feeling "full of self pity"...I believe you're trying to come to grips with all of this.

Please continue to post. We need you. That's what you can do for us.

Susan





cancer does not deserve to be capitalized.

Lifeline,

Regardless of how these storms blow into your life, spend some time with your grand-children.