Hi Triker: My two cents?? -- Spend the dough. Now is the time to invest in the "Cadillac," in terms of your care and treatment. It's about you
right now and don't feel bad about
laying down some cash for your situation. A few grand isn't going to mean beans in the "long run,"
which is what we are all hoping for in this club of ours -- a long run.
The surgeon and facility I chose was also out of my network and I paid a ton (believe me, a ton.) Like you, at first I felt guilty about the choice I was leaning toward but my wife said, "Let's go for it. Let's get it taken care of in a place we feel comfortable with."
It set me back financially, but I got excellent treatment from pre- through post-op.
You must feel good about where you go and whom you choose for your treatment. What sounds like a lot of money today will be nothing five or ten years from now.
Go for the Cadillac. You deserve it and it will pay off.
As far as ED/incontinence issues, they seem to be about the same, whether your chosen therapy is open radical or DaVinci robotic or radiation for that matter. The side effects of any treatment vary, they are more-or-less intense per patient and they are a pain in the A-S-S, but tolerable.
For now, focus on taking care of the main issue.
Best to ya,