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Jeff & Becky A NEW DOCTOR

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Prostate Cancer
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2busymom
Regular Member
Joined : Nov 2006
Posts : 118
Posted 10/19/2007 12:02 PM (GMT -8)
We have a IBG thank you for kdnole who referred us to his dr., who is awesome. He actually called us after the appt. to touch base & encourage us more! Finallly a dr. who is not only concerned with the cancer but with the after effects and us as a couple. We feel so encouraged and relieved! Thank the Lord for this webiste it has helped more than I ever could have imagined!

bec
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creed_three
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2007
Posts : 763
Posted 10/19/2007 12:32 PM (GMT -8)
Hi Bec,

It sounds like you have hit upon a great person here - and that is great news! Very reassuring when you needed it, and kd seems to be doing so very well. Good luck with these planning and further discussions - sounds pretty top notch overall! cheers, Lana
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2busymom
Regular Member
Joined : Nov 2006
Posts : 118
Posted 10/20/2007 7:01 AM (GMT -8)
Thanks Lana. As I shared with our new dr., just knowing we weren't having to deal with this all on our own brought such relief. He was just as concerned about how we were fairing as a couple as he was about the cancer and ED, and no one had addressed taht until now.

bec
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creed_three
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2007
Posts : 763
Posted 10/21/2007 5:25 PM (GMT -8)
Hi Again Bec,

I hope things have continued to improve. Your husband sounds a little like mine - we have not really had ups and downs together, but I have had plenty myself! He (hubby), does not respond to any hint of conflict usually. We have both worked at communication - it does take work I think, but pre-armed is pre-warned. There many many emtional ups and downs for both people I think.

Now that things are improving ED wise for my husband, lately he has started to get back some of his previous "personality" and confidence but it has taken a few months. I found great peace in being able to spend a little time (2 weekend "retreats") on my own to think about how I was handling it all, and reflecting on whether I was helping or hindering!

I am not sure if it is possible for you to take any time out, but I found it helped immensely, and was lucky that my husband understands.

On that note, I continue to pray for the safely of your son. Hope he is doing well, and hope Jeff is too.

Take care & keep busy. Hope things on the couple front are smoother now. Bye for now, Lana
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kdnole
Regular Member
Joined : Jun 2007
Posts : 152
Posted 10/22/2007 4:30 AM (GMT -8)
2busy, as you get to know Dr. B you'll find he also has a good sense of humor which also helps at times too. I'm glad I could help. Good Luck!
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2busymom
Regular Member
Joined : Nov 2006
Posts : 118
Posted 10/22/2007 8:50 AM (GMT -8)
Thanks, KD. My husband has a great sense of humor so I'm sure that will help with their connection - althought Jeff liked him right away anyway. Before he left he asked Jeff if was suffering from any depression and we both started laughing, because we've been so discouraged and no one has ever asked us that. He also commented on how we'd been together a long time (married 25 years this Dec.) and we had to take care of each other and not let anything affect that. I really appreciated his encouragement.

Lana, I feel like Jeff has definitely lost some of his spark, to the point where I feel like we've lost some of the good dynamics of our relationship, and it's so painful. My problem is that those emotions of loss get mixed in with the feelings of loss for my dad, and now my son being gone and it feels so overwheliming and draining, and it's difficult to see past it. Jeff is actually going to see a counselor on Wednesday to get some help working through some things - just areas where he withdraws and he doesn't know why. I may go myself, too. It's a good counselor that we went to for a couple of months about 12 years ago when we were going through some stuff - he gets right to the point and doesn't pull any punches or let you make excuses for yourself, and I need that.

I have gotten away a lot this year, but unfortunately most of the time it was dealing with my dad's illness and estate, and then to help my sister when she had a baby. That was nice but didn't afford much time to reflect. I've been trying to do more of that, spend more time in prayer, really trying to discern some of the things I struggle with. It takes time..

Thanks for your encouragement, and I'm glad you see your husband regaining some of his confidence. It makes a big difference, I'm sure. Please keep me updated on how that goes - I know Jeff is struggling with that.

bec
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creed_three
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2007
Posts : 763
Posted 10/22/2007 1:02 PM (GMT -8)
Hi Bec,

Just rushing off now to work, so not quite clear on what I want to say! But mainly, the reason I worried pre-op was that I thought CJ would "loose his personality" (similar to what you explain as "spark"). When this actually DID happen about 10 weeks post op, I sunk a little low. The good news however is that he (CJ) is now coming out of it now (6 months), so maybe once you tackle this problem with a good doc, things will lift?

They both do sound alike!! The main thing with CJ is his humour, incrediblely quick wit, and that fact that he can always, always make me laugh (while no one else can). Recently, this has come back but we are quite new in our marriage, and not sufferring the other sad losses you are. It could be another chance and step on your road together perhaps, not necessarily another loss? I think the recovery post operatively takes time on all levels. Lots of time.

The counsellor idea sounds great. There are not too many people who have the courage to seek out a good counsellor, and if you have found one you can completely relate to and trust, that's quite rare. Go for it if it will help! Loss is a slow and painful process bec - my prayers are with you. May the love & peace of God bring you all comfort. Lana
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2busymom
Regular Member
Joined : Nov 2006
Posts : 118
Posted 10/22/2007 8:46 PM (GMT -8)
Thank you for your prayers, Lana. That is definitely what has kept us going through this last year. I'm trusting that we will come out the other side of this with a stronger faith and marriage, but in the mean time it's tougher than I thought. But then I read some of the posts here and I'm sure there are those who would gladly trade places with us, and I need to remember that.

We spent some good time together last night, and I think with a counselor helping Jeff sort some things out he'll be able to express himself better and that will help me.

I will keep you in my prayers also - you 2 are going through a lot for a couple who hasn't been married so long. But it sounds like you work well together as a team, and that is crucial.

thanks again for your prayers -

bec
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