So off to see the surgeon I go...yesterday. First time since surgery Sept. 17. PSA blood draw first. Nurse Jennifer tells me the results will be back Monday morning.
Then she asks how things are going. I say fine in general...bit of stress incontinence and not so much progress on ED. But I tell her I have experienced post surgery orgasms. She wants to know how it is that a guy can have an orgasm without an erection. I laugh. "You are the nurse...shouldn't I be asking you that?! How long have you been working here?!" "Well," she says, "you are the youngest guy I've had the chance to talk to after surgery and the closest to my age. You know...I just haven't asked other guys." Well there ya guys go! Please tell your nurses all about those post op orgasms!
So then I'm waiting for the doc and I pick up a book on a table near the window. It's a photographic essay about cancer patients...full page photo on one page and brief story on the facing page. After reading about a dozen or so cancer stories about people of all ages from children to young adults to middle age to elderly, I'm seriously choked up and my eyes are watery. Just contemplating the magnitude of everything all of us cancer patients go through emotionally and physically from diagnosis through treatment and recovery can be overwhelming.
So then the doc comes in. I'm obviously a bit choked up. I put the book down and he is just smiling. I swear he's the nicest man in the world. Maybe I just think that because he has potentially given me my health back. He asks how I'm doing. I give him the same feedback I gave the nurse.
I then tell him about Healingwell and how I've talked to numerous guys my age and many others who have been through or are going through the same thing I have. He is interested in hearing about this and is glad to hear such a site exists. I then relay the conversation I'd had with kdnole shortly after I got my cath out. Told him we laughed so hard we called it a "two pad conversation". Well, as far as Urologist humor goes, I guess I was doing pretty well, cuz the doc was laughing so hard his face was red. So he looks at my incision, says it looks fine, and enters a few notes in the computer.
Then he asks me if I'm taking the shot today or just taking it with me. I ask what he recommends. He says he usually shows his patients how to give it. I think, yeah, that would be good. Well, then I asked about dose. (Thanks Kevin!) I tell him a VERY small dose please! He gives me I think .04 ml. Well, the needle was so tiny and I barely feel a prick (no pun intended). Well darned if he then doesn't grab me and show me that I need to pull it down to get the medicine to travel to the tip. I swear I am biting my tongue to keep from saying, "LOOK DOC, I learned how to stroke it A LONG TIME AGO. LET IT GO!" I think I just stammer, "Uh, yeah, I can do that."
So he says he'll be back in 5 min. Well, after 4 min, I'm thinking I don't need him to come back. What I need to do is get home and see my wife! So I zip up my jeans and am grateful for the untucked button down I'm wearing over my jeans.
Then back in the doc comes and says, "Ok, let's see how rigid it is." "Oh god," I think. "Is this going to get any more awkward?" So I uzip my jeans and he has his very clinical look and squeeze. Well, he sure seems pleased and says it's a good result for a small dose and that's a good sign. I'm very happy to zip back up my jeans.
It's all a process. At times scary, at times saddening, at times funny...just because we have to laugh and not take it all too seriously all the time. It's great to have this site to come to and be able to share the experience. Who else would I tell all this to?!
So now I'm hoping for an undetectable PSA result Monday. Would appreciate you all keeping your fingers and toes crossed for me.
Best to all of you...