Sounds normal to me....it's difficult to focus on the good days functioning "normaly" and feeling well when knowing the eventual outcome of the first symptoms of an impending flare.
It's almost like a guilt complex...like we don't have a right to feel good when others are suffering. Let me assure you that misery doesn't always like/need company.
On the other hand...it could be that NOW you have the time to think about your other emotions/feelings....again, I think it's normal to at least acknowledge them. It'll get tiring eventually if you have no pay-off. If it takes over, it's definitely good to see your doctor and discuss them.
Having a good doctor, doing the research and understanding what it's all about is definitely helpful. It's good have a support system of family and friends whom you don't have to convince you have UC.
No time is a good time to have UC, and you have a right to be angry, pissed-off, frustated, depressed...whatever and whenever. Allow yourself those times but do have good options available for when you need them.
I agree that it's a grieving process. I don't think it's only about UC, however...it's about our lives changing from what we imagined and from what we were. The same can be said about growing older, for life is really very short from my new perspective of being 53...with UC and PSC and whatever else may happen as I age. I have a handle on the UC and the PSC for now. I don't have a handle on totally organising things in my life that would make it much less complicated. But....I'm working on it. Must have something that's always disappointing, don't I...because that's what I do.
Definitely time to continue the changes because my life certainly isn't over yet.
Allow yourself time to heal, do things that make you happy. Live in the moment...etc. The UC will always be "there", but it can be managed. If that doesn't work over the long-run..your colon can be removed, and life goes on...just differently. It's by choice how we deal. Some deal better than others, some take longer than others. WE are able to learn once we recognise what isn't working. We can always change the plan with different options. There is always hope that tomorrow will be better.
Hang tough....you definitely have what it takes.
*Heather*Status: mini flare Dec 28... increased enemas to nightly
~diagnosed January 1989 UC (proctosigmoiditis)
~5ASA: Asacol (6 daily) + Salofalk enemas (increase for flares tapered to maintenance)
~Bentylol (dicyclomine) 20mg as needed
~Probiotic 3(Natural Factors Protec) bedtime + 1 (Primadophilus Reuteri) occasionally
~multi-digestive enzymes as needed ....bromelain 1 - 2x daily
~Ranitidine,Pariet (reflux) Effexor XR 75mg; Pulmicort/Airomir (asthma)
~URSO for PSC (or PBC) 500mg X 2 daily (LFTs back to NORMAL!!)
My doc's logic.. "TREAT (FROM)BOTH ENDS" worth it !!!
Post Edited (quincy) : 12/29/2007 12:04:15 AM (GMT-7)