UC funny stories!

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 1/11/2008 4:38 PM (GMT -6)   

We are probably among the top stressed out people in the world so lets turn a stressful
 moment into a funny story. The stories may also help us realize that others are dealing with
the same issue's. I'll start.

   Years ago out on a date during a major flare. I pick the closest restaurant,fastest route
and everything went smooth, until. We pull up to her house and I feel the urge. I say good night fast cheek peck and see you later. So she starts a conversation and I cant hold it any longer. I say hold on I am going to pee on the side of your house. We where young and she lived with her parents so this was the best option. ExPloSion and I Had to give up a sock.
Then again and again and again.  By the time I was done I used both socks my under wear
and ripped off the bottom half of my shirt. Now what do I do with all my mucus covered clothes??? Well maintained lawn and landscape so I could not just leave the pile so I threw it all on the roof of her house........  I must of been on the side of the house for like 20 minutes. I get back in the car she give ME weird look and says "What took you so long, I have to go in the house now".. Really stressed me out at the time but dam funny to me now.

Diagnosed panColitis 1990.
Current Meds Asacol x4 twice a day.
Pred for flares. I still have my colon THANK YOU GOD!!!
veggie juice-wheat grass juice--fish oil
Started 1/01/08
raw milk-kefir made with raw milk--natto--caprylic acid-oregano oil
1/10/08 Started healthy diet again.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 714
   Posted 1/11/2008 4:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok I'll go next....I went to see a chiro to see whether she cld help me with my UC symptoms. I had no idea it was a woman.....after 4 months of "seeing" each other in the surgery we r going out to dinner next week!!!....every cloud have a silver lining??????????? THANK YOU UC!!!!!!!!!..sorry for shouting
800 mg Asacol + 250mg suppositories daily...
...but more importantly a Healthy Diet, low levels of Stress and a steadfast belief that "I am a healthy person".

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2148
   Posted 1/11/2008 4:58 PM (GMT -6)   
my farts crack me up sometimes........other than that nothing really good.
Beth, 32
Major Flare Sept/Oct 07 ~ working on remission almost there
UC Diagnosed March 2000 (30 cenitmeters)
Azathioprine 200mg 1xday nightly; Calcium and Vit D 500mg 3xday, Multi Vit, Folic Acid 400mg 2xday, Probiotics.
Minimal Change Disease (Kidney Disorder) Diagnosed Sept 2007
Prednisone 60/40mg alt days 1xday, Simvastatin 20mg 1xday, Diovan 160mg 2xday. Potassium 600mg 2xday, Fosomax 70mg 1xweek. MCD may be from hypersensitivty to 5ASA drugs.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 1/11/2008 5:03 PM (GMT -6)   

After getting out of the hospital and getting back to work I had brain fog so bad from the high doses of Prednisone that I had post it notes all over my cube to remind me of, basically, everything.  I felt like the guy from the movie "Momento."

It's better now.

Asacol 4 pills 3x's daily
Imuran 125mg.
Prednisone 15mg.
Calcium with Vit. D Tablets

Trixy's Got Butt Trouble
Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 356
   Posted 1/11/2008 9:25 PM (GMT -6)   

Steve - that had to be the funniest story I ever heard.  I was rolling with laughter and barely could read it out loud to my husband.  We were cracking up.  Thanks for the laugh!!!

I took my 3 year old out to dinner one night while I was flaring and of course she picks pizza.  I told her that was fine and that I will just order it with light cheese b/c of my butt (she is well aware of my butt issues and knows that when it is hurting I can't eat certain foods).  So we get there and she said she wanted to order.  My daughter is very well spoken and actually speaks like a 6 year old so I told her she could place the order with the waitress.  When the waitress arrives my DD says loudly, "We'd like to order a pizza with  light cheese for my mom's butt."  The waitress died laughing and a few heads in the restaurant turned.  I had to explain to the waitress so she didn't think we were crazy.


Best Wishes,
Trixy (39)
dx Pancolitis, mild, w/more activity on left side & IBS
12 Asacol a day;
1 Rowasa at night during flare/1 a week during remission;
Nexium; Probiotic; Multi-Vitamin; Flax Seed Oil
UC manifesting to other organs: joints, eyes (Iritis) & skin (Erythema Nodusom)
Controlling w/MEDS & DIET (eliminating animal protein, white flour, sugar, dairy, eggs, & nightshade veggies)
Current Status:  12/22/07 Ending 2 month flare & heading into remission - no blood, D or other symptoms since 12/22/07 :-)  Keeping fingers crossed!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 731
   Posted 1/12/2008 12:10 PM (GMT -6)   
hi all!
when i first read the topic i was thinking i didn't have any funny stories, but then i remembered this one...

when i am flaring i sometimes can't even make it from one room in the house to the toilet, so i can't wait at all if i'm in the car and need to find a public toilet. so for times like that, i travel with a little potty in the car.

one day i had to use the portable potty but we were also running late to open our shop. so i've got my bag o' poo but we don't have time to go over to the dump before we open the shop. we decide to get there, open up the shop, and we'll take a trip to the dump later. i hide the bag under the car behind a wheel so it won't stink up the car while we're gone.
no, no, i didn't run over it later.

when i got back to the car to do my errand, the bag was gone!! yup, we've got a real turd-burglar somewhere in my town!

we don't think the guy who takes the trash took it because he doesn't come until the afternoon. so it is still a mystery!!

28, happily married, stay at home mom to 2 year old son
UC (probably pancolitis, but no c-scope yet), diagnosed June 2006, started having major symptoms sometime in January 2006, about 3 months after childbirth. 2nd flare (minor) may 2007 after taking caprylic acid for 2 weeks.
-tried SCD for 4 weeks with no improvement...
-Prednisone 8/28/06-2/28/07. and again may '07, 8 week course.
-Asacol, probiotics, ground psyllium husk, fish oil, CalMag

may you live all the days of your life.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4538
   Posted 1/12/2008 12:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Haha. These are great. Who would steal a bag of poop? lol...
23 years old
Diagnosed with UC March 2007; yet to go into remission
Asacol 4 tablets 3x/day
Rowasa (generic) - daily
Nature's Way Primadophilus Reuteri 1/day; Chewable multivitamin; Metamucil; Viactiv (Calcium and Vit. D); fish oil

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 733
   Posted 1/12/2008 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Once when I was getting a sigmoidoscopy, I was looking at the tv, I saw the scope heading towards my pale, ugly butt, then to the hole on this HUGE sreen, I was like, "oh that is such a lovely sight, YUCK!!" and my GI was trying not to laugh and we both started laughing.
Diagnosed with Left-sided Ulcerative Colitis 1995 at 15
Tried: Prednisone, Rowasa & Hydrocortisone Enemas, Proctofoam, Sulfasalazine, Asacol, Probiotics, Fish Oil, Canasa, Enotcort, Colazol, Proctocort, Anamantle, etc...
Diagnosed with Ulcerative Proctitis with almost rectovaginal fistula in 2004, put on Remicade, August 2007:Increased Remicade dosage-700mg every 6 weeks,diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis & Fibromyalgia Current meds: Remicade 700mgs every 6 wks (had reaction, will start Humira Jan 29) Clorazepate, Proctofoam HC, Glucosamine 500, Vitamin B, Lomotil as needed, Darvocet, Tylenol pm

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 1/12/2008 3:14 PM (GMT -6)   
I heard off stealing bags of crack but never bags of crap. HAHAHAHA!!!!
The more I think about it the more I have.

The next scope I get I am going to draw a smilely face on my butt check.

The bag O crap storie reminded me of my own bag of crap story.

I was going to this girls house for dinner and had an pop acident. Had everything I need
so I change get clean and finally park at her house. I see a trash can in front of her garage
so I put my trash bag with my dirty undeis in it. So next day she calls me. She went to put trash in the can and noticed a steamy bag that was not hers and yelp she found my ditry under wear. I admitted to it. We dated for 6 more years. Cool chick shhe was. And he was hot to.
Diagnosed panColitis 1990.
Current Meds Asacol x4 twice a day.
Pred for flares. I still have my colon THANK YOU GOD!!!
veggie juice-wheat grass juice--fish oil
Started 1/01/08
raw milk-kefir made with raw milk--natto--caprylic acid-oregano oil
1/10/08 Started healthy diet again.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 3402
   Posted 1/12/2008 10:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh my gosh!

Stealing a bag of poo?!?!

A smiley face on your bum!

What a great laugh!
Pan-colitis and GERD diagnosed May 2003
Asacol 12 per day,  Azathioprine 75mg, Aciphex, Effexor XR, Forvia and a Probiotic
Osteopenia (hip and spine) from prednisone use.  Started Azathioprine because I was steroid dependent.
Co-Mod for the UC forum
Keep HealingWell running smoothly:  www.healingwell.com/donate

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 1/14/2008 3:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I really should keep the smiley face on the butt in mind!

Speaking of colonoscopies...how fantastic is Demerol!! I've definitely said some funny stuff on that drug! Whoever drives me to appointments usually gets an ear-full on the ride home, which I never remember!

My first colonoscopy (which led to my official diagnosis), I remember practically yelling at my grandma to leave me alone the morning of the procedure. I was in an awful mood! After the procedure, I got home in my Demerol stupor, and my Grandma asked me again how I was. I told her something like: I don't know, but I'm really, REALLY happy! Then I proceeded to eat two plates of something home cooked and passed out! Ah...what would we do without colonoscopy drugs?!

23 yrs old
Diagnosed with UC: March 2004 with probable IBS component

Currently taking:
Asacol 4pills 3x/day
Prograf 5mg/day
(Prograf is my miracle drug! It doesn't seem to be well known, but it's fantastic!)

Previously Tried:
Prednisone (works, but such awful side effects!), 6-MP (gave me acute pancreatitis), Entocort, Cipro (antibiotic), Bentyl, Canasa suppositories, a couple different enemas

honey bee 123
New Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/14/2008 8:29 AM (GMT -6)   
i am new to this site and glad to see some people have a sense of humor about uc. i once went to my boyfriends house for the first time (he lived with his dad at this point) we were watching tv and i need the loo so i took my bag and sed i was going to wash my hair because we were going out later that night. he was wondering up and down the staris so i put lots of loo roll in the toliet so he wudnt hear it land plus i turned on the shower. when i finised i wiped and put that in the toliet 2 when i flushed the water in the toilet water rised and rised. i screamed my head off and he asked me what was wrong i sed that my hair was stuck in my brush and asked him 2 get me a cup of water coz i was thirsty. when i got the cup i emptied the water and scooped up the toliet water with the mixed bog roll and put it down the sink over and over again but then the sink got clogged up any way i managed to make the loo look normel but knew the next person to flush would think they blocked it. a week later i told my boyf the story and he said that it had blocked and his dad had to put on a glove and shove his hand up the toliet. ahhhh well these things happen plus his little sister got the blame for it haha xxx

diagnosed with right side proc uc.in 2006 16 years old
3 asacol 2 times a day
multivitamins,cod liver oil, garlic, zinc immune boosters
pred enamas when flare ups occur
in remmision have been on steroids

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 1/15/2008 1:46 AM (GMT -6)   
I was coming off a pretty good flare and things were returning to normal for me bathroom wise. My wife, 8 year old daughter and I just dropped my wifes friend off at the airport. We were at least 15 minutes from home and I knew that I had to "go" now! It started with the usual crampy, gassy feeling. I am trying to drive and rub my stomach at the same time. My wife is telling me to relax, that everything will be fine. Unfortunately for her and my daughter, things were about to get not fine and very BAD. I dont know how this is physically possible, but I had an intense gas bubble that wasnt gonna take no for an answer. I knew that if I tried to "vent" anything there would be a mess. But, my body decided that it had reached its maximum pressure, and my rear-end valve flew into the open position against my will. What happened next was a blur to me. I thought I had just filled my pants. I looked at my horrified wife and could only mouth the words "I am so sorry!" Luckily for my pants and van seat, it was only gas. Unfortunately for my poor wife and daughter, the heat was on and the windows were up. My poor daughter screamed out something about me being a bad Daddy, and my wife was trying to filter her air through her coat, shirt and napkins while fighting back the vomit. I will say this, I have field dressed deer that smelled better than that. I have since learned to channel this powerful weapon. I will walk through crowds and "crop dust" like a bomber dropping napalm. If the local police need help with crowd control, I am on the call list now. Sadly, I have to register my intestines as a concealed weapon. Just dont be at the range when I have to qualify on that gun! tongue
UC since 01
Mesalamine enema
Tried Remicade
Tried 6mp

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 1/15/2008 11:31 PM (GMT -6)   

The way you tell the storiy makes it the funniest one so far.
HAHAHA bad dad.
Diagnosed panColitis 1990.
Current Meds Asacol x4 twice a day.
Pred for flares. I still have my colon THANK YOU GOD!!!
vitamins-veggie juice-wheat grass juice--fish oil
Started 1/01/08
Freindly bacteria:raw milk-kefir made with raw milk--natto--probiotic
Antifungus:Caprylicacid, Pau D Arco, Black walnut hull, Oregano oil
Anti inflammatory:fish oil  1/15/08 started Turmeric
1/10/08 Started healthy diet again.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/16/2008 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I love to hike and my girlfriend and I were hiking one Saturday morning. I thought that I was good to go for the day, butt to my surprise I was not. So I feel some bloating and then shortly there after I drop my pants and tell my girlfriend to be my eyes and ears. (so she could see or hear if someone was coming)

I'm sure you guessed it, someone quickly came up behind me and I'm sure he saw a full moon and was wondering why the moon was out at 10 AM. So he passes me and I say, "When natures calls, you gotta answer it." And he replies with "Just do it further away from the trail."

So my girlfriend and I continue our hike after about 10 minutes of waiting around so I don't have to see him again and I'm talking like "Oh well, I'll never see him again." Little did I know, we saw him about 4 more times on the trail and we kept passing each other.
4g - Pentasa per day
100mg - 6-mp per day
1 multi vitamin per day

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