Nothing in my life has been as much of a complete struggle as my depression. I have very mild and easily controlled colitis, so I know that I am blessed (very blessed) in that regard. My depression was an abyss from which I could not escape until Effexor. I have gained control over my thinking. I have gotten MYSELF back.
I do not like having to take antidepressants, but I've gone through lots and lots of therapy, and one of the biggest components to my depression was my whacked out thinking. No matter how hard I tried to be upbeat, positive, tried to implement suggestions of my therapist to effectively handle my depression, it was as if my brain would wrest control from me, telling me all kinds of hopeless and awful things (untrue things!!!) about me and my life, and soon I was spiraling further and further downward into the hell on Earth that depression is.
I would cycle through that by crying myself to sleep, not answering the phone, locking the doors, spending hours literally beating myself up, and upon waking, would vow to never, ever repeat such a horrible thing again, only to have it happen again and again. I needed more help than meditation and insight. I needed something to stop my brain from that kind of awful, awful, hurtful, FALSE thinking. Effexor does that for me.
I hope that one day they will figure out what causes depression and help sufferers fix that problem in a way that does not involve medication. Until then, I say fight it with everything you've got. It is, after all, your life you're talking about, and if you're spending much of that life feeling depressed, sad and suicidal, or if you're unable to do the things you want to do because you have UC and can't be more than steps from the bathroom, fight. Fight for yourself. Time will march on. There's too much living to be done to allow that to happen, as far as I'm concerned.
Good luck to you!
Sporadic proctitis since about 1985. Mother had J-pouch surgery 1983.
DX'd with clostridium difficile in 2000. Pred, two courses of Flagyl, then Vancomycin finally got rid of it. 2001 colonoscopy dx'd left-sided UC. . Treated with prednisone, Rowasa, Asacol. Asacol not working, switched to Imuran. Three small flares since in 2002, 2005, and 2007, brought under control with steroid and Rowasa enemas. Lap Chole performed October 26, 2007, after gall bladder attack in June, '07.
Daily meds: 100 mg Azathioprine and 225 mg Effexor XR (for chronic, longstanding depression), many vitamins and Primadophilus Reuteri