People Not Getting it??

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Date Joined May 2007
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   Posted 2/24/2008 7:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Do you ever get peer pressure to eat things you are not supposed to eat?  I go to my MIL's fairly often and she always wants to order out and it's usually something I can't eat.  Even when I tell her that I have to pass she almost acts as if she doesn't believe that my condition is real. 
Yet, she has no medical condition and swears that she has a food allergy to garlic.  When I am cooking, she practically breathes down my neck to be sure I don't put the "devil's spice" into her precious meal.  It is so frustrating!!
So, does anyone else run into people who minimize their condition?  In the end I wouldn't eat anything I am not supposed to eat, but a little understanding would go a long way, ya know??

Diagnosed April 1998 - Pancolitis
Currently on (per day):
Pentasa 4 gms
Imuran 100 mgs

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3238
   Posted 2/24/2008 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   
My MIL is the worst. Tomatoes kill my IBS. She knows this. It never fails every time we go over there she either fixes pasta, chili, lasagna, orders a pizza, etc. I agree it is frustrating! What are you going to do?!
Tabitha (Tab)

100mg Azathioprine, 2 Fibercon, Colazal-9 a day, Acidopholis Pearls, Nexium
Co-Moderator UC Forum

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10407
   Posted 2/24/2008 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Tara, you just can't do much about people who think the world revolves around them. Sometimes when people do this to me, I just say, "I could eat that, but it would give me bloody diarrhea." Something about those last two words seems to back people off. Of course, you can't do that with people you want to maintain any sort of relationship with, and certainly not your mother-in-law!

You might consider eating before you go. Then when she wants to order food, you can just say, "Oh, none for me, thanks, I've already eaten."
Moderate to severe left-sided UC (21 cm) diagnosed 2001.
Asacol, Rowasa, Pentasa, Prednisone, Entocort, Azathioprine
Colazal,  Remicade, Nature's Way Primadophilus Reuteri.
In remission since April, 2006. Remicade has been my wonder drug.
Co-Moderator UC Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 733
   Posted 2/24/2008 8:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Ooooh, yes! UGH! I am glad I'm not the only one! My In-laws are the worst about it. My FIL asks EVERY single time I come if I'd like some ice cream, coffee, or grapefruit! My MIL was driving me to my last colonoscopy and had to take care of my son. She was like what are you going to the hospital for? I said a colonoscopy to check how my ulcers are, she said, "you know, the more they poke and prod you, the more they'll find wrong and they'll end up killing you." Well geez, thanks for the support! I just replied back that with my condition I CAN'T just let things go or I will end up worse. People can be so insensitive, but then again, they really just can't imagine what we go through.
Diagnosed with Left-sided Ulcerative Colitis 1995 at 15, Tried: Prednisone, Rowasa & Hydrocort. Enemas, Proctofoam, Sulfasalazine, Asacol, Probiotics, Fish Oil, Canasa, Enotcort, Colazol, Anamantle, etc... had almost recto-vaginal fistula in 2004, put on Remicade, August 2007:Increased Remicade dosage-700mg every 6 weeks,diagnosed w/ Psoriatic Arthritis & Fibromyalgia Current meds: Remicade 700mgs every 6 wks (had reaction, will start Humira Feb 11) Clorazepate, Proctofoam HC, Glucosamine 500, Vitamin B, Lomotil,  Tylenol pm, Lyrica for Fibromyalgia started 1/17/08

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 552
   Posted 2/24/2008 8:21 PM (GMT -6)   
It's right up there with people who say "Oh I guess it's the food that causes the UC". I don't know how many times Bratcat has had to correct her friend's mother about that. Yes certain foods will exacerbate it, but UC is not IBS. Arrgghh!!

--Mom of bratcat (16 years old)--
Daughter bratcat was diagnosed with pancolitis October 2006
Current meds:
Asacol - 3 pills/3Xday, 2 tabs 6-mp/1.5 tabs 6-mp every other day
11/14/06 - started prednisone; 1/28/07 - finished prednisone!
3/3/07 - began to taper off hydrocortisone sloowwly! Summer 2007 - slowly began tapering Rowasa. 9/07 -- flaring? Nightly Rowasa. 9/21/07 -- added hydrocortisone enemas. 9/30/07--added prednisone. 10/31--started 6-mp, stopped the enemas. Started lowering prednisone.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 723
   Posted 2/24/2008 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I know what you mean, in a way. I think people think that I am "intolerant" for hesitating on eating things such as Chinese Food, ie Buffet

I like the way Wayne Dyer handles dealing with people, be they relatives or whomever, who just "don't get it"
Particularly his book "The Power Of Intention"

I have the flip calendar based on the book, and it has been a blessing for me to read each day.
Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis 6/2006 at age 26 after sudden E.R. visit
~Pancolitis (Mild to Moderate)
 ~I had Mono in 2000
On Colazal 3x3/day; Folic Acid 1mg; Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc combo
In remission about 2-3 months after E.R. but not back to normal!
~Interested in finding a cure/making sense out of U.C. and philosophical and psychological aspects of UC and "Stress" and Personal Development issues with Chronic Illnesses. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 2/24/2008 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
In Nov. of 06 I spent two weeks in the hops. b/c of a major flare. Although I had been DX w/UC & IBS for 10 years, my mother still--still--doesn't get what my illness is all about. My GI was checking in on me one afternoon (while in the hosp.) and my mother was there, she asked my doctor to once again explain why this was happening to me and after a pretty good, understandable, explanation my mother's response was, "I think she should eat better, she's probably not eating right." My GI looked at me and gave me the best smile--one that said, oh, mothers what are you going to do? There are always going to be people who just don't get it or don't want to get it; I think a lot of it is fear-based, people have a hard time with the fact that at any time you too can get a chronic illness and life becomes a challenge. For people who seem to not just not get it, but appear passive aggressive (you know, feed you foods you have already said make you ill) , I get very graphic with what I'm going through (you know, describe how much mucus you passed that day).

Elite Member

Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 20577
   Posted 2/24/2008 9:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Ignorance is bliss...they don't live it, so you can't expect them to understand it, I wouldn't let it get to you, nothing anyone says or does will make a difference, until they walk a mile in your shoes.

My bum is broken....there's a big crack down the middle of it!  LOL  :)

Elite Member

Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 30976
   Posted 2/25/2008 12:57 AM (GMT -6)   
or the same mile in their own shoes....but then, it's always worse than yours!!!  Empathy is difficult to expect.

Tara....bring something you feel better eating when you go to your MIL's.
The next time you cook with her breathing down your neck....add the garlic and tell her that you'll stop when she stops making foods that you cannot eat.


*Heather*Status: mini flare Dec 28... tapered to every 3rd night
~diagnosed January 1989 UC (proctosigmoiditis)
~5ASA: Asacol (6 daily) + Salofalk enemas (increase for flares tapered to maintenance)
~Bentylol (dicyclomine) 20mg as needed
~Probiotic 3(Natural Factors Protec) bedtime + 1 (Primadophilus Reuteri) occasionally
~multi-digestive enzymes as needed ....bromelain 1 - 2x daily
~Ranitidine,Pariet (reflux) Effexor XR 75mg;  Pulmicort/Airomir (asthma)
~URSO for PSC (or PBC) 500mg X 2 daily (LFTs back to NORMAL!!)
My doc's logic.. "TREAT (FROM)BOTH ENDS"  worth it !!!

Post Edited (quincy) : 2/24/2008 11:01:52 PM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2486
   Posted 2/25/2008 2:31 AM (GMT -6)   
OH MY GOODNESS, Judilyn, I literally just snarfed a piece of my peanut-butter sandwich onto my desk after reading your post. You can't ever go wrong with the "Sorry, but I have bloody diarrhea" line when people are being ridiculously annoying!
Co-moderator - IBS Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 1028
   Posted 2/25/2008 8:42 AM (GMT -6)   
I had the same issues with my parents and my in-laws. I got the true guts DVD and made them watch it. I think it really helped. My parents still "joke" around about me always being in the bathroom, but at least they don't make me eat things I don't want to, and they don't complain anymore when I am late or cancel plans. Showing pictures of your most recent colonoscopy (with bleeding ulcers) helps too. THAT is great dinner conversation.
diagnosed with left-sided UC in 1997.
Currently on 10mg Prednisone
12 caps of colazal
rowasa enema nightly
35 years old, white, female

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 2/25/2008 9:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Both my family and my in-laws are fantastic about my condition. They always make sure that they let me know the menu (i've asked them to stop preparing food escpecially for me, my mom still refuses that one) so i can plan accordingly. Either I bring my own or eat before.

My problem is my dad. My parents eat out more tha anyone i've ever met. My dad lives to go out to lunch. (both retired) inevetably he asks if I want salad with my meal. Or soup. Ten years he's been asking me this. Also he asks me if I want popcorn almost every time i see him. I know he is being nice and just wants me to know I can have whatever I want but even before UC i never ate popcorn or soup. Two of my least favorite foods. And yet he asks me if I want them ever time I see him.
Kelly, 29

Left sided UC diagnosed 1/98 age 19, Pan colitis diagnosed 1/07
Currently on 4x3 Asacol, started at 60 mg 1/07, 15 mg pred, down to 10 mg 1/11/08...down to 10/5...
75mg Imuran starting 8/23/07---bumped to 100mg 10/8/07--bumped to 125 11/14/07...
Taken off of Imuran temporarily 1/11/08-back on 1/16/08 now at 150mg imuran
waiting to be scheduled for remicade.
Prontonix once daily for acid reflux, zofran twice daily for nausea, darvocet for pain
antispasmodics didn't work.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 2/25/2008 11:15 AM (GMT -6)   
quincy said...

The next time you cook with her breathing down your neck....add the garlic and tell her that you'll stop when she stops making foods that you cannot eat.


I love, love, love your no nonsense approach... tongue tongue
Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis January 2007
Meds: Remicade, Primal Defense Ultra, Multi-vitamins (also iron, B12, Magnesium and Zinc), Flaxseed/Natures Bounty Fish Oil
Swanson Ultra Caprylic Acid (natural anti-fungal) 600mg x2 daily
Carrot & Garlic supplements (natural anti-fungal) x2 daily
Currently taking herbal meds in the search to regain full health.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1366
   Posted 2/25/2008 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
I've been lucky in that my parents understand what foods I can't eat... In fact when they caught me eating something I wasn't supposed to, they'd always give me that "Edie! You KNOW that's not good for you". Sometimes they think a little bit too much into the food aspect though and also seem to think that my UC is caused by my diet but they don't harp too much on it.

It really is frustrating though when people don't understand. Especially when you feel like hell but don't "look" sick and they give you a hard time when you don't feel like doing anything. Sometimes I wish I had an xray machine that could show my insides and I can say "LOOK, I am sick, see the blood? The ulcers? Now leave me alone!" Haha.
Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in hip & lumbar region of spine from long term prednisone use

Current Meds:
10mg Lexapro (for depression/social anxiety)
125mg Azathioprine
4800mg Asacol (Four 400mg tablets, three times a day)
10meq Potassium

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 646
   Posted 2/25/2008 12:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the support! I especially like the post about adding garlic in front of her (have thought of that) and basically telling her "a gut for a gut!"

I also like the idea of the X-Ray machine - isn't that the truth!!!!

Diagnosed April 1998 - Pancolitis
Currently on (per day):
Pentasa 4 gms
Imuran 100 mgs

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 3402
   Posted 2/25/2008 12:22 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm very blessed in the fact that my parents understand my condition. My in-laws have a good idea about it. My good friends understand. I rarely have any problems with people close to me and my UC. In fact many of them will often ask how things are.

Someone at work asked about going to a Chinese buffet - I just said - I'm SO not interested. They then mentioned something about it "building up immunities" in a joking way.

But I LOVE Judy's bloody D line! I'd love to see some of the shocked looks on peeps faces with that one.
Pan-colitis and GERD diagnosed May 2003
Asacol 12 per day,  Azathioprine 75mg, Aciphex, Effexor XR, Forvia and a Probiotic
Osteopenia (hip and spine) from prednisone use.  Started Azathioprine because I was steroid dependent.
Co-Mod for the UC forum
Keep HealingWell running smoothly:

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 2045
   Posted 2/25/2008 4:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree totally with PB4.well said, i couldn't put it better.
                                     keep the faith 

         asacol/proctifoam/Zoton (lansoprazole)/pred/colofac


Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10407
   Posted 2/25/2008 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Yep, the "bloody D" line stops them in their tracks. No more nosing into my business, urging me to eat or do something I shouldn't or making catty remarks about my coming in late or leaving early. They simply don't want to hear any more, and they never question me again.

Of course, I only use this for repeat offenders or people who don't know me well enough to be prying into my affairs. Most of them don't comment on my health at all now. :-)
Moderate to severe left-sided UC (21 cm) diagnosed 2001.
Asacol, Rowasa, Pentasa, Prednisone, Entocort, Azathioprine
Colazal,  Remicade, Nature's Way Primadophilus Reuteri.
In remission since April, 2006. Remicade has been my wonder drug.
Co-Moderator UC Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 5159
   Posted 2/25/2008 10:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Anti-spasm meds rule!!!!!! It really helps make my symptoms so much more manageable. Urgency isn't as urgent when I am taking anti-spasm meds for my colon; the only side-effect is a slight dry mouth.

I have the exact opposite....when ever anyone sees me eating something "risky" they always ask me if I can eat that because they think it will bother me. It is so annoying.... I want to eat what I want to eat and I don't care if I have to pay the price for it later on. I am used to suffering and it really isn't that big of deal to me anymore after 3 years.

The only thing my GI told me not to eat is pop-corn and nuts when I am flaring because that can be dangerous to the intestines.

DX'd with Pan-Colitis June 2005
Current Status: Flaring since May 2007
Current Meds:  50 mgs 6-mp, Colocort, Oral Cyclosporine (250 mgs), Hyoscyamine .375 mgs
Supplements:  Forvia multi-vitamin

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