My turn to vent about people not getting it

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Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/21/2008 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Yesterday, me and the family went over to my MIL's house for her birthday.  My SIL lives with my MIL and she can be a bit on the brunt rude'ish side.  She is so odd that sometimes she can be super sweet and caring then the next time you see her, she can be snitty.  No, she's not exactly my favorite of the hubby's side of the family.  Anyway, a while ago when I didn't know what the heck was wrong with my back we were talking and stuff.  So I brought up that I now know what is wrong with me.  Before I had a chance to tell her, she asked - "What? That you're a hypochrondiac?"  I couldn't help but to feel bit ticked over that.  She said it in a joking manner but still, it bothered me.  So then I proceeded to tell her no that I WISH it was the case of just being a hypochrondiac!  She doesn't seem to understand that more then ONE thing can be wrong with an individual and still be walking and talking. It just annoys me to no end.  She understands my Uc but not all the things that come along with it.  I'm half tempted to say to her that the next time she complains of her constipation issues or her severe menstrual cramps that it's all in her head and that the constipation and pain she feels is not real.  But I won't stoop to her level. Maybe I should?!?
 
Ok, vent over for now.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
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NuffinButtTrouble
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   Posted 4/21/2008 9:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Noooooo!!!!!!!

""To be angry is easy, but to be angry at the right man at the right time for the right reason is difficult."
--- Armand Assante (The Odyssey 2001)


Red, I know exactly how you feel and it drives me crazy too...people have no idea what we go through and how we feel and it kills me when they make our symptoms sound trivial.
sad  
 
NBT


Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis January 2007
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GardenerJames
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   Posted 4/21/2008 9:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Although it would feel good to tell her that next time she doesn't feel well I know you won't. But I do have to say that the first word that popped into my head while I was reading that started with a B and rhymed with itch!
As if we didn't have enough to worry about it comes down to US to be understanding with people who don't get it, instead of the other way around :(
James
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dakotagirl
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   Posted 4/21/2008 10:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow. She's know you how long? (shaking head)

It's just amazing how some people's brains just don't seem to connect!

Venting feels so good!
Pan-colitis and GERD diagnosed May 2003
Osteopenia diagnosed Feb 2006
Status:  Flaring :(
 
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Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/21/2008 10:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, I know I won't say anything like that but boy would I ever like to! I get so darn frustrated though! She's like one of those people that needs a good verbal kick to get her to understand things but even then sometimes if it doesn't fit into HER logic, then it can't be true.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Allergies-Singulair
~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections
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BumTum
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Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 304
   Posted 4/21/2008 10:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Why does she live with her Mother?  Is she unable to support herself?  Sounds like she may have troubles of her own and to put you down makes her issues less noticeable.

  • Pancolitis since 5/06 at age 50, IBS since childhood
  • Degenerative Disc Disease/Spinal Stenosis - L4 and L5
  • Prescribed: Asacol, Atenolol, Zoloft, Synthroid, Menest
  • Prescribed: Xanax & Hydrocodone as needed
  • OTC:  Probiotic 15-35, Multi Vitamin, B Complex, Turmeric, Fish Oil, Biotin
 
 
 


Beth75
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   Posted 4/21/2008 10:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Sherry, I can totally relate......my brothers wife is the same way, you never know what you are going to get and so unfortunately she can hurt feelings and i've decided that 50% of the time I will like her and the other 50% of the time I wont........I basically don't say anything to her about anything, I keep it as light as possible, change subjects, anything. I know I wont change her mind and she wont change mine, so I do anything I can not to have a real conversation with her.

Though I still have to 'put her in her place' every now and then when she tries to make decisions about my mother when that is up to me and my brother. By all means she can complain to my brother all she wants (she doesn't do anything) but I wont listen to her, it would be like my husband calling my brother to complain about my mother, that would be the last thing either of them would want or do (and the stuff we do for her is not that bad, my brother agrees but my SIL........another story). Sorry I digress.

I would just tell her next time she says anything about you being a hypochondriac that you wish you were making it up and if you were you would just use menstrual cramps as an excuse b/c that would be easier to pull off. Make her look bad..........I am kind of eeevil, bwhahahah!
Beth, 32 ~ Major Flare Sept/Oct 07 ~ in remission
UC dx'd 03/00 (Proctosigmoiditis); Pancolitis since 09/07
Azathioprine 200mg 1xday nightly; Calcium and Vit D 500mg 3xday, Multi Vit, Folic Acid 400mg 2xday, Prilosec, Probiotics.
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Red_34
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/21/2008 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
BumTum, she just recently got divorced but is moving out this summer to move in with her boyfriend. But she is trying to get full custody of her girls first - she has partial custody right now. She's moving almost 50 miles away with the girls but she can't do that when she has to do the 1 week on and 1 week off with her ex. She has a job with frequent lay offs so, basically she can't support herself just yet. But yes, she has issues - no doubt there!

Beth, LOL I like your idea! I might have to use that one if she brings up hypochondria again.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Allergies-Singulair
~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections
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quincy
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Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 30829
   Posted 4/21/2008 1:58 PM (GMT -6)   
She's definitely in a bad place and has the need to not allow others to suffer as much as she is.....

I'd confront her and state that her comments don't help and that it's unfortunate she feels the need to be so mean. Joking is a way to be vicious in a more accepting way by the person who is saying them.

Never tolerate rudeness by others....curious...was your husband there?

quincy
*Heather*Status: mini flare Dec 28... tapered to every 4th night
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Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/21/2008 5:21 PM (GMT -6)   
He was in the house talking to his father and I was outside talking to my SIL, my MIL and my MIL's SIL. He usually just tells me to ignore her which I normally do.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Allergies-Singulair
~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections
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jano437
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1614
   Posted 4/21/2008 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   
The next time she insults you, tell her that it hurts you and you do not apprieciate the way she talks to you. Make her feel like and a**

Keep your chin up, you are better than her
Diagnosed July 2005 with Pancolitis
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tjf
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3238
   Posted 4/21/2008 6:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Do you have to see her a lot? If not I would let it go. If you have to see her regularly I would definitely say something to her!

By the way have you ever noticed the hubbies are away when their moms or sisters say ugly things to us?! My mil waits until hubby is out of the room to make little comments to me. Good times:)
Tabitha (Tab)

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Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/21/2008 6:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I absolutely love my MIL, she's an awesome lady but she picks her battles. She has seen me in action before because I do have a tendancy of saying things before thinking it out - yes even to my SIL on occasion. It slips out! But I would say I see my SIL about once a month or so, depending on the situations. And it doesn't matter if my hubby is in the room or not, my SIL has no tact and doesn't care who sees her in action!
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Allergies-Singulair
~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections
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tjf
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3238
   Posted 4/21/2008 6:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Your SIL sounds like a real peach! Oh well..once a month isn't too bad.
Tabitha (Tab)

100mg Azathioprine, 2 Fibercon, Colazal-9 a day, Acidopholis Pearls, Nexium

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munchkindd
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 348
   Posted 4/21/2008 8:04 PM (GMT -6)   
I have a wonderful sil also..........After 15 years of putting up with her crap, I decided to write her a nice long letter. I explained to her what a ..... (rhymes with witch) she is. And I told her alot of things that I wanted to tell her over the years. I also explained to her that the reason I was writing the letter instead of having this discussion in person was because I didn't want to be interupted by her, therefore not being able to tell her exactly how I felt about her. We had alot of issues, dealing with my mil, fil and ancient aunt (who never married or had kids). Basically all the responsibility was left to my husband and I. I ended up taking care of 80% of what needed to be done, because my husband works very long hours. Whenever we would call her and ask her to do something for the parents, she would say she didn't have time..........So, basically I really let her have it in the letter, ending it with "You call yourself a daughter?" She wasn't too happy with me which made me REAL happy. She went into my husband's work place and asked him if he knew about the letter that I sent her. Then she had the nerve to tell my husband that I am unstable. He started screaming at her and she ran out of the building. It was quite hillarious. I felt so much better after sending her that letter. I let her know exactly how I felt about her. She has really changed her tune since then. Letter writing can work well, maybe your sil should receive a letter. Don't let her get you down, I'm sure she's not a strong enough person to handle the health issues you were dealt...........Good Luck with the WITCH with a B.
*******Donna*******
 
diagnosed with uc 27 years ago.  Enojoyed 10 - 12 year remission (approximately 10 of those years without any meds)
 
currently on Sulfasalazine 2 tabs 3x day. Folic acid, mesalamine enema every 4th night, will try to spread it out more. Omega 3, Probiotics, multi vitamin, cacium supplement, Biotin....
 
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Old Hat
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Date Joined Feb 2007
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   Posted 4/21/2008 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Sherry, I think you handled it well on the spot. The trick is not to stew afterward. A wise friend of mine used to say: "Just let it all slide right off you!" Here's a different take on letter-writing as potential solution-- My late mother built up quite a grudge over the yrs against one niece-in-law, the wife of her favorite nephew. This NIL would do irritating things, rather than say them. For example, one day she came to the house when my mother was getting some household stuff together to donate to charity. She went to the goods and helped herself to a small tray my mother intended to donate! But she was not needy-- both she & hubby had professions with good incomes! It got to the point where my mother started to feel uncomfortable if NIL looked at any object in the house twice-- so she wrote a long, detailed letter of complaints about her acquisitive behavior & mailed it to NIL & her hubby, who was totally unaware that his wife did such things. The NIL reacted with fury & refused to have anything further to do with my mother (except to complain about her to me when she had a chance), but hubby kept up contact with my mother on his own. Some people think they are entitled to do or say whatever, and will never admit to being wrong. I think we do well to avoid them as much as possible! / Old Hat (nearly 30 yrs with left-sided UC ... [etc.])

jujub
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Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10407
   Posted 4/22/2008 12:18 AM (GMT -6)   
My MIL, since deceased, once had her pastor call my husband and try to lay a guilt trip on him for not visiting her often. She lived in Wisconsin, we live in Texas. She knew I was very sick (I was in a terrible flare at the time, could barely get ten feet from the bathroom.)

Hubby kept a civil tongue, but told the pastor that he'd be doing well to stay out of family business, that he didn't know everything that went on in families and he didn't need to be interfering. Then he called his mother and told her if he ever heard from anyone again that she'd been whining when she knew very well why we couldn't travel, we'd never come to her house again.

End of problem.
Judy
 
Moderate to severe left-sided UC (21 cm) diagnosed 2001.
Asacol, Rowasa, Pentasa, Prednisone, Entocort, Azathioprine
Colazal,  Remicade, Nature's Way Primadophilus Reuteri. In remission since April, 2006.
 
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The information I share on this forum is based only on my own experience and study. It is important to consult your health care provider when making health-related decisions.


Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/22/2008 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Old Hat, normally that is my entire approach to life. To let things just slide off. But after many months of suffering this back pain with no one able to tell me why, that when I did find out why I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. So then my SIL said that and well......I just wanted to flip my lid! lol
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Allergies-Singulair
~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections
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glamourgirl
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 460
   Posted 4/22/2008 8:33 AM (GMT -6)   
I love how you put that there can be more than one thing wrong with a person and they can still be walking and talking.  I feel like people are constantly doubting my illness because I don't look sick.  It's so frustrating to not be able to (or want to) explain the hoops we have to jump through sometimes to make an appearance at functions and family events.  I would never dream of being a "no show" at a family event and will do whatever it takes to be there (popping Immodium, etc).  My SIL is constantly "sick" with food poisoning or the flu or some other mysterious illness and is always canceling on family get togethers.  It irritates me so bad that I'm the one who is really sick and I'm always there and have never canceled.  Grrrrr!
Female, Age 37
 
Diagnosed w/c.diff 7/02 when pregnant w/1st and only child during 2nd trimester(wasn't on antibiotics)
C.diff flare within weeks of delivering baby 1/03
Diagnosed with UC 2/03
_____________________________________________________________
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disco
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 154
   Posted 4/22/2008 8:37 AM (GMT -6)   
just email her a pic of your next nasty mucus and blodd laden BM, that out to shut her up.
Diagnosed in spring 2005 at age 28
Currently on 12 asacol pills a day + Entocort
40 MG Pred cycle stating 3/26


Red_34
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/22/2008 9:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Disco, it's not my Uc she doubts because I have been part of this family for over 20 years - 16 of that with Uc. It's all the other things that are wrong with me such as my severe allergies, Raynauds, trigger fingers, cyst in my finger joints, Sacroiliitis and spinal stenosis that she doesn't seem to get. Like I would WANT my back to be a painful mess??? Like I WANT my hands to turn colors and feel like they're in boiling oil after being cold? Like I WANT my fingers to lock up on me in a painful claw? THAT is what she doesn't get thru her thick skull. WHY would I want to make these things up? Ya know?

Glamourgirl, that is exactly what my SIL does! She complains when no one comes to her various parties but then she doesn't show up herself to others! She is always making excuses as to why she can't make it. Even at my worse, I ALWAYS try to make it. I think I can count on one hand the few times in which there was absolutely no way I could make it to a family function. Boy, ya gotta love family eh? lol
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Allergies-Singulair
~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections
To help Healingwell - click here: DONATE
 
 
 
 

 
 


Old Hat
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Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 5187
   Posted 4/22/2008 9:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Sherry-- I totally understand your point! At work we have a similarly obnoxious woman in late 50s, foreign born & immigrated to U.S. with hubby when in her late 20s. She is very egocentric, comes to work all dolled up & acts seductive with all the men. She constantly puts down anyone with real health problems, and if she herself catches something viral, she comes to work & coughs all over the place as if hoping to spread the bug to the rest of us. If I were the boss, I'd get on her case & get rid of her, whatever way it took! (The actual boss tries to keep her on-task, but that's about all.) What to do with people like this? Maybe they need to be surrounded by 10-12 others who all scream at them in unison: "You're a creep & we'd like to blast you into orbit around Jupiter!" / Old Hat
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