Lisa, I'm glad that you're feeling better today. You're going through a lot with just being diagnosed and then having the added joy of a mass on your kidney. That's more than anyone would be able to take.
I think that it's good that you used this forum as an outlet to vent, instead of trashing your house. After all, who wants to clean when you're feeling like cr@p? It's perfectly fine to vent here.
Any way you cut it, stress s^cks. Take it from someone who knows- it doesn't help. I've spent so much time stressing about finding something to make myself better. It doesn't work.
I'm just now coming to grips with the fact that I have no control over this DD. If I had an answer, I'd give it to you. I don't.
But, I know that ruminating (thinking over and over again about being sick and worrying about getting better) only makes it worse. I take it that you love yourself. Now may be a good time to show a little extra love to yourself. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to take your mind off of your illness as much as you can. (Easier said than done!) But, if you tell yourself that you're going to take between 4 and 4:30 (or any designated period of time, whenever) to think about gardening or whatever, then that'll help you to feel less stressed out. Exeercise can help reduce stress. Also, there's something called MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction). That might help you.
I hope your journey is easy.
Tressa 35 (F)
Colazal 3X3/day, Lialda upped to 4/day, Phosphatidylcholine 4 (420 mg capsules) once/day
Colazal 3X3/day (not generic)
Rowasa & Canasa as needed