Lynda, I was just diagnosed last Nov. I've never had a chronic disease that affected my life, and it is taking me awhile to adjust to it. A friend with MS reminded me that in many ways you can go through a similar process as people who have a terminal illness: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And it doesn't necessarily happen in that order.
Have you thought about how much you've been through already? No wonder you're questioning the future!
With the day to day way UC behaves, I'd add frustration and elation (on the days I'm really feeling good!). I also suspect there is a strong spiritual connection to this disease that has to do with being in the present and not letting our minds/thoughts/analyses take over.
I am so in awe of the younger ones here, who are in their teens and twenties and even younger, and those who have lived with this disease so long. They have so much to teach!
I hope you're gentle with yourself and don't judge yourself harshly.
Potato... Female, 58, dx mild left sided ulcerative colitis 11/07
asacol 3 3x a day
cortenema am & pm
culturelle, benefiber wafers
children's vitamin, Vitamin E 400 mg
omeprazole 2x a day
oxazepam (anti anxiety) when needed, lomotil if needed (trying this out)