sweetmelody - As my hubby tells me when I stress to the extreme over stuff (or when I'm on pred and I'm having a "crisis moment") take deep breaths, drink lots of cool water, and walk slow. As everyone else has said, you're not weak. This disease takes a lot out of us both physically and mentally and affects pretty much every aspect of our lives. I had been married for 12 years when I was diagnosed and I know it put a strain on our marriage but I also know that getting through my initial flair (7 months) has brought us closer together and our marriage is stronger than ever so look at this as an opportunity to strengthen your marriage. I do know that initially when I was sick I was definately letting the disease run my life and at one point I decided that rather than letting UC run my life I was going to live my life - just as a person with UC. While it has affected my life in many ways I see it as a positive. It has forced me to slow down and smell the flowers, decide what is important in my life, and to learn that what I can't control I can't stress about because stress and exhaustion are major UC triggers for me. I am a much more relaxed and happy person these days even with everything I deal with related to UC.
Congratulations on the new job!! I was so happy to go back to work and get out of the house that I looked at it as a positive experience. I learned that carrying a full change of clothes and wipes along with a towel and plastic bags in the car made my day go so much better because I figured if anything happened, I could clean up, change clothes, and continue with my day. So far my only accident was pre-diagnosis at work. I ran for the bathroom and didn't make it. I was extremely embarassed and had to tell my boss I had to go home sick...now...after I washed out my undies and wiped out my jeans in the bathroom (not something I want to do again...but probably will have to). Having the change of clothes has given me peace of mind and like many others I have accepted that an accident may (and probably) will happen again but I bring my change of clothes with me and while I still know where every bathroom is and use them at the first indication of urgency (Why does this always happen in the grocery store when I'm surrounded by food???!!!) I'm much calmer knowing that I have a plan and am mentally prepared to put it into effect if needed. Since this I have gotten on a plane for the first time (while still in a small flare and on pred for it) and flew to the UK, am riding my motorcycle to work almost every day of the week (although the vibrations of the engine had me worried at first and I got to work and sprinted for the bathroom), and am planning a 6+ hour motorcycle ride to Indianapolis so that I can experience the MotoGP races!!
I think that our acceptance of UC has a lot to do with being able to live well with it. I know that mentally I was a mess until I accepted the fact that I'm going to live with this for the rest of my life (if all goes well) and accidents happen, they are more likely to happen me. My hubby and I have also developed our own wording to indicate how I'm feeling as he doesn't want to know the bloody details (I think he would have had a fit if I'd sent him a pic like you took). I don't tell him the detail, I just tell him I'm ok, not so good, getting worse, getting sick, etc... he gets what this means.
With my decision to not let UC control my life but rather just be a part of it, I also was able to focus on him again, asking how his day was, how he's feeling, how things are going with him, etc. I think this helped him a lot because we spent many months with the focus of my life and his being my health. It was the topic any time he talked to anyone at home, at work, on the phone, they didn't ask about him and how he was doing, everything was about me, how I was feeling, was I working yet, etc. I can only imagine how this affected him and I don't dream to know.
I think that everyone needs a bit of *me* time with all attention focused on us. I know that there are several people spouses on this site that can attest to the difficulty of being with someone with a chronic disease but also to the fact that it's worth the struggles. As time has gone on (getting closer to that 1 yr mark from diagnosis), we and our friends and family have learned that sometimes I can do things, sometimes I can't go but DH will go without me and I won't feel bad or make him feel bad for having fun when I'm at home sick. If I need him to help me with anything (shopping, etc.) I will ask for help (a very difficult thing for me to do...but I have to). But I don't ask him to go shopping in the middle of a football game!! I know better than to try that one.
I think that you and your DH have been experiencing many stresses in life and having someone to talk to can make all the difference in the world. Look at your new job as an opportunity to get out of the house, meet people in your new town and make new friends along with reducing some of the stressors on your marriage ($$ and stress of not working). Hopefully your new job is one where you can work hours that fit in with your UC.
I wish you the best of luck in your new job and getting over your current flare along with getting a good communication going with your DH so that you are both getting the me time that you need and what you need in your marriage. If you need someone to talk to other than hubby just let me know. You know we're all here for you and we're pulling for you to get out of this flare and funk.