Sickly girl--your post hit so close to home when you mentioned the "excuses" things. He said something very similar to me "I'm just tired of the excuses." And I just shake my head and say excuses? you have seen me at my worst, you have seen what drinking and eating the wrong things have done to me and you have the nerve to say its an excuse. My hemaglobin hovers between 7-8, that has me physically drained and what energy I have left, I spend on him and our relationship. I can't make him appreciate the sacrifices I make, but I also don't really know the extent to which it affects him because he won't admit that he is afraid or hurt or anything...just acts distant really, as if it doesn't bother him. I'm so sorry that your boyfriend is unsupportive and not understanding and that it has led to resentment in your relationship. I know its so hard and I know exactly how you feel, sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place, because you know he's causing you stress but at the same time, if you leave him, the pain and stress from that is just as bad. I agree with being afraid to find someone else. I know that I am so young and I have my whole life ahead of me, but hes been there through this all and when I am very, seriously ill he is right behind me all the way (if only he could be that way when I'm not laid up in a hospital for 2 weeks) and I can't imagine having to explain all of it to someone else. I really just started becoming more comfortable with letting him see me in such a bad state and having to do it all over again with someone else is not an option...in fact, if things were different and I was single, a relationship would be the furthest thing from my mind. He is my best friend and aside from my daddy, the only person I can find true comfort in...it just sucks when hes the reason I need comfort! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so complicated. And as difficult as I know it is to do, you shouldn't let UC make you feel bad about
yourself, it never compromises your character and I'm sure you are wonderful and deserve nothing but the best. Loving yourself, in spite of your "flaws" including UC, is the greatest thing you can do.Maybe you just lost sight of who you are because of the disease and unhappiness in relationships and career and once you get back to the basics of you, everything else will fall into place. I always find when I focus on eliminating stress it just builds up even more, so just focus on you and your happiness because truthfully you can't make someone else happy if you can't make yourself happy. And you've given good advice to me, you see and you know...and thats half the battle. Think of it this way, you know what its like to have this disease and you know the courage and strength and patience it takes to live with it and you knowing is what matters, tell your man hes lucky to have someone with such positive attributes! I positive it will get better for you, no matter what happens :)
bbc--I have my days when I just freak out and say thats it, this is the end of the line take that baby out. Unfortunately, my doctor is very conservative he didn't even want me on remicade. That and after my last hospital stay he is worried that I might have crohn's colitis and that removing my colon will only cause it to manifest itself elsewhere. Someone needs to figure it out soon because I've been flaring for far too long!
Diagnosed September 2007