I can understand your frustration and being upset with the situation, but it's really a pattern that's well engrained in your bf's family long before you arrived.
First, a 36 year old shouldn't be living in his father's house...no matter how much money he can save. The fact that he's never home shouldn't have him living there for free either, he should be out on his own.
Second, money and family seem to always create rifts and competition...the money always wins it seems, and people make decisions (even for their own autonomy) to not lose their connections.
Third, if you do plan to get married, you really should get all financial matters and dependencies clarified.
Fourth, a child is always a child to a parent no matter how old...and the situation is obviously dysfunctional when a parent feels the right to belittle at opportunities to put that child in his/her place. It's probably control on both sides, but your bf has to realise his dad treats him that way because he can.
If your bf can get his voice it would help, but there are ways to get his dad to listen if it's dealt with in a respectful way...very difficult to do and sometimes darned near impossible.
Some people never change, and sometimes the only way to gain freedom is to MOVE away, either physically or mentally.
Do some research either in a bookstore or on-line about
ways to deal with the situation. Is your bf interested in changing the situation?
I hope it works for you...money is truly the root of many emotional issues.
*Heather* Status..Asacol 6 (3 twice daily); enemas every 5th night
~diagnosed January 1989 UC (proctosigmoiditis)
~Bentylol (dicyclomine) 20mg as needed
~Probiotics....(Natural Factors Protec, Primadophilus Reuteri Pearls, Natural Factors Ultimate)....1 each @ bedtime
~various digestive enzymes as needed
~Ranitidine (reflux); Effexor XR 75mg(depression); Pulmicort/Airomir (asthma)
~URSO for PSC (or PBC) 500mg X 2 daily (LFTs back to NORMAL!!)
My doc's logic.. "TREAT (FROM)BOTH ENDS" worth it !!!