I certainly understand your feelings. I am 23 and was dianosed with ulcerative colitis when I was 14 years old. I mean, it's hard enough being a teenage girl, but with a disease like this? I was pretty sure it was the end of the world. And sometimes I still feel that way. When I'm running to the toilet every half hour, all I can think about
is the future and, like you said, it doesn't look too bright sometimes. The thought of meeting a new boyfriend and having them around while I'm like this is just mortifying. It's hard to make new friends or enjoy social outings because I'm constantly worried about
needing the bathroom.
It's really, really easy to get depressed about
.. well, everything. I mean, this isn't the prettiest or easiest disease to live with, that's for sure. Then again I suppose no disease is. I try and tell myself it could always be worse, and that's certainly true, but it doesn't make our suffering any better. I think the thing that keeps me going is a) fear of death and b) SOME hope for the future. Things just can't be bad forever. Maybe they will find a miracle drug, or maybe we'll just go through with the surgery and get it over with, which in the end wouldn't be so bad. But you've got to just think that things can and will get better with time, and just let it go.
I've been reading a lot of books on Buddhism. I've never been a spiritual type, but their viewpoint just makes SO much sense to me, and I've felt a lot better about
life since getting in to it. I wont drone on about
it here in case you're not interested, but it's something that's helped me anyway.
Also, the depression board on this site is full of GREAT people and it's one I frequent often, if not to post than at least to read. They always have great advice, maybe you should copy and paste this post into one over there for some other perspectives.
Either way, I hope you keep coming back. Maybe HealingWell could be something that could help you come to terms with things.
Female, 23, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in femur head & lumbar spine from long term prednisone use...
Lexapro 10mg, Azasan 100mg