I wanted to share some fun...

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RyanF
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 1/14/2009 9:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry for the carrots but I'm lazy tonight-- so they stay. I thought this was hilarious and I hope you like it too- warning though....if your colon is angry this night, read near the bathroom!

Dave Barry's
>
> colonoscopy journal:
>
> .... I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
>
> appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy
>
> showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that
>
> appearsto go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through
>
> Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in
>
> a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I
>
> didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking,
>
> quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
>
> I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a
>
> prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box
>
> large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in
>
> detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to
>
> fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
>
> I spent the next several days productively sitting around being
>
> nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my
>
> preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any
>
> solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically
>
> water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the
>
> MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter
>
> plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those
>
> unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then
>
> you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because
>
> MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat
>
> spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
>
> The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a
>
> great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery
>
> bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after
>
> you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
>
> MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic,
>
> here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much
>
> the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times
>
> when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty
>
> much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate
>
> everything.
>
> And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink
>
> another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your
> bowels travel into the
> future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
>
> After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next
>
> morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous.. Not only
>
> was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing
>
> occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I
>
> spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?
> Flowers
>
> would not be enough.
>
> At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I
>
> understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then
>
> they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went
>
> inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of
>
> those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when
>
> you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually
> naked.
>
> Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left
>
> hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I
>
> was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put
>
> vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thoughtof
>
> this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too
> tipsy to
>
> make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire
>
> Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
>
> When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure
>
> room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did
>
> not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around
>
> there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll
>
> over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking
>
> something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the
>
> room,and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked
> to
>
> Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular
> procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has
>
> to be the least appropriate.
>
> 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
>
> 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for
>
> more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because
>
> I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like..
>
> I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was
>
> yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next
>
> moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow
>
> mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt
>
> excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was
>
> all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have
>
> never been prouder of an internal organ.
Ryan


Meds:

Began Humira on Jan 10 2009


hamley
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 1/14/2009 10:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Very funny, and I particularly enjoyed the vodka add-in! haha  I am so jealous that this person was asleep during their scope! I had one today and suffered through it awake...freqeuntly yelling in pain...it was like a horror movie.
Female - 21
Diagnosed 9/1/08

mild uc
Meds:  Rowasa 4g
Asacol 400 mg two 3 times/day
Hyoscyamine .125mg as needed
Percocet/ Vicodin as needed
multivitamin





 


piccolobellezza
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 1/15/2009 2:10 AM (GMT -6)   
oh my, how funny!

hamley--its awful that you were awake, I have been asleep for every single one of mine, in fact I didn't even have a choice I just was
21, female
Diagnosed September 2007
Remicade
Prednisone
Rowasa
Asacol
Protonix
Bentyl
Lomotil
Lasix
Zofran

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