I would suggest finding a counselor with knowledge of chronic illness and seeking their assistance and guidance individually and as a couple. In addition the demands of the illness you are also having to cope with side effects of medications. The entire situation with UC can be overwhelming and anxiety driven.
I would try to find a marriage and family therapist, as the life cycle stage you and your boyfriend are in is being altered due to the demands of UC and possibly his past experiences as well. When you have a chronic illness it is difficult to develop from one cycle to the next because our needs are different, as we must utilize support from family and friends during a time where there should normally be independence.
My husband and I were married one month when my initial flare happened, then we immediately became pregnant. So, we did have some pretty complicated struggles but made it through. I later learned that everything we experienced was completely normal for our situation...it was not fun...but normal. I was very sad during my last hospitalization and he just simply said that "this is our life". He's right. This is it. It's not ideal by any means...but it's our life. Our newest adventure will be my surgery, and we are extremely excited.
As for my individual emotions...I have to give credit to Paxil for allowing me the ability to be aware of my feelings. Before I was just overwhelmed and moody. I was super snappy and bitter. I had to force myself to be nice. So now I am able to take a break, calm down, and process my feelings before I say or do anything. I'd like to think I've come a long way. I've also started giving my husband special attention. I'll do little things for him that I had quit doing b/c I was moody and didn't feel well. So now I'll ask him if he wants a something to drink, I'll spend a little more time on our meals, I'll just do something that I know he'll appreciate. Which he does these things for me as well. We are constantly working on communication and emotional expression.
I wish you the best of luck with your situation and your relationship. You do need to take care of you so you can focus on your relationship with him.
: ) Robin
Dx-May 2007 Asacol-2400mg bid Prednisone-20mg Remicade-5 Tx
Paxil-40mg Prilosec-bid Multivitamin Moderate/Severe Pancolitis
28 year old Mommy of a 1 year old and a Wife for almost 2 years!
Life has never been so sweet! I appreciate the small things in life...the little joys that occur every second of every day. Though we struggle and have crazy complications, nothing can over ride our love and happiness.
Surgery is scheduled for February 6th!!! : ) Yea!!!!!!!!!!