Thank all of you so much for your replies. I am sorry it has taken so long, and I don't really know how to respond to every one of you. But it really warmed my heart and made me feel so much better just finaling knowing, instantly, not dreaming and reading online, but knowing that other people know how I feel. I feel so much less alienated for that. As far as medicine I have never done any rectal medicine many of you spoke of, I guess you mean different enemas? I am not even really sure what you are talking about. I know when I had to have my last lowerscope I had to do an enema, it was probably one of the least favorite things I have done, although at least it didnt have the horrible taste of the fleet ginger lemon scope prep. UGH. But this morning I ended up going to the ER, I had kind of getting progressively worse over the past several days, I think once my depression set in, I began not to eat, and then didn't drink as much and wasn't so active. So I ended up using the bathroom about every two hours, and then started up again during the night and I was so scared to have to spend days in the hospital again and lose the great weight i lost before, which i cant stand to lose now because i am down to 127 TERRIBLE. I was pushing 160 when this all began, and I was so proud. The doctor there ran many tests, and did some x-rays of my chest and stomach. I got 2 bags of IV because I was super dehydrated, when they drew my blood it was as thick as molasis and as dark as those nasty cherries with the pits in them. So after everything and many hours he consulted the specialist on duty and he said boost up my prednisone, so now I am on 60 mg of that a day, and then all my other medicine stay the same, and I was able to leave. Oh, and then they gave me some paxil to help with my moods. I have never been a big advocate of those kind of pills, but I guess I will have to be sort of a hypocrite here and hope that they work. I do like my specialist here, he is very kind and puts everything out on the table, I am kind of used to that now with doctors, but i think it freaks/excites my mom some when he starts talking about new medicines/surgeries, and stuff and I just take it all in as the what ifs they always talk about. Kind of like when you first experienced signs of colitis and the doctor says, well... it could be hemoroids, or a polyp... or it could be cancer. And your jaw just kind of drops, but they have to mention it all. And then months and tests later they find colitis.
For the woman with the daughter, thanks for sharing that, that is so scary, I did not even know that someone could have colitis that young, that is a hard road she has ahead. I had a Chemistry teacher my second year of college who was diagnosed with colitis when he was 13 and i thought that was very young, luckily for him though he hasn't had any real problem since then.
Focusing on small happy things does help. I like seinfeld, when i get to watch that i get pretty happy. WHen my friends call or text me it really brightens my day, it is hard to be trapped here with a family i am not really close with when all of my friends are 200 miles away at school... but it really makes me happy to talk to them. Also, I get pretty excited when i notice less bathroom visits a day, that is probably one of the best moments in a day. Because you realize you are that much closer to remission. OH also, today, in the ER, I burped and farted at the same time. I know that is pretty nasty, but I didn't think it was possible, that may have been the highlight of my week. So the small things definitly help some.
BEING IN COLLEGE and this disease are terrible it seems. It didn't seem so at the beginning, but now I don't even know when I will be able to return, 2 semesters is pretty rough, will are you already back in? or will you get back in this summer? I have been on a flare up for about the same amount of time as you, it is really awful, I want to see an end in downt he road but it is hard to sometimes because I dont even remember what it feelsl ike to be normal. To run, and eat, and not worry about wehre the nearest bathroom is, but I know one day it will go away, that shoudl be enough to hold me through, just that one day could be a week from now, or another 2 and a half months. gross. Right now I am shooting to make it back to summer school, hopefully that will work out, before i was hoping to make it back to campus after this week (their spring break) but it looks like that won't happen now.
Thank you all again so much for reading and talking with me, and sharing some of your hearts back with me. It raelly helps out just to read it all. Thanks for sharing every way you know to look to the bright side, whether it is the bible verses you shared with me or just little ways to get through the day. You are all so awesome.