Hi. So, I used to be a pretty avid track athlete (and snowboarding, but that's not germaine). Started track when I quit baseball. Sucked at first, worked hard, and got better. Got good, not great. Kept it up for three years of high school. Trained year-round. In my third year, I had my first bout of UC right during the middle of meet season. Didn't know what was wrong, was forced to pull out. Lost 20 some pounds. Finally got diagnosed and went into remission. Trained hard and gained that weight back and then some. Had a second flare-up at the end of snowboard season. Was forced to miss the provincial championships, b/c of fatigue, sudden weight loss, and long travelling time. The flare-up continued, died down, and then just recently began to flare again. Here's my problem:
I want to quit track for the time being and take it up again when I get healthty. All that training I did from last July to February is lost. I lost all that weight again in this recent flare-up. I tried to exercise through it this time, but I seemed to just lose weight faster. The main HS meets are a couple weeks away. I don't want to do them. I'm frankly terrified of embarrassing myself. As a kid, I used to have terrible performance anxiety. It went away as I trained hard and became more confident. I feel like that skinny 13 year-old stepping up against a 17 year-old pitcher again. I feel like I'm back there again. I'm out of my league. All my friends have matured up and bulked up just with age. Instead I lost weight. One UC flare up knocked out seven months of training; I used to sprint ten 100s every other day. I can't complete one now.
Anyways, I told my parents and I got the, "Are you just gonna give up hope and quit? Winners don't quit, Quitters don't win..." speech in entirety again for the first time since I was thirteen. I think I should be old enough to make that decision (I'm 18). The only thing stopping me is my mom is threatening to send all my teachers and coaches an email explaining that I gave up and babied out. She does stuff like that. She's been very upset since I got diagnosed. She thinks I'm using UC as an excuse to be lazy. She's also upset I don't have a prom date fttb, but I don't even want to think about
asking anyone out when my self-esteem has shot so low. Moreover, I deliberately missed the form hand-in (sort of, I was sick with a flare-up and said screw it) so I didn't have to go through this but now they want to pressure the coach to pull some strings with the board to let me be on the team.
Post Edited (jays_fan) : 5/4/2009 1:56:03 PM (GMT-6)