I feel your pain. It is difficult when well meaning people tell you that if you just ate...whatever, you would be cured, or if you just avoided stress. Lots of misconceptions out there, even inside a family. I think it's perpetuated by those who have had an "episode" , and called it UC, not the folks on this site...who know the biological differences. Some effort in education might work, if not, just smile and ignore the commentary.
Anyway, Remicade was/is a fab. drug for my daughter. I think it is worth a try. The Lymphoma fear is quite unlikely. It is not consistent with your profile(it was adolescent males on both 6mp and Remi, and still very rare). We also have BC BS PPO, and the out of pockets costs are high, but so would the surgery's cost. Perhaps it/Remi will buy time....time to perfect an imperfect surgery, and get your arms around the life altering change that it would be. Maybe even the health care system will change in time to help you. My daughter is enjoying all the foods that were taboo, has energy, color back in her cheeks, and her biggest BM day is a 4( around her period). Most other days she has a regular stool, once or twice.
Good luck with whatever youdecide.
Daughter,15 diagnosed 1-08 w/ UC .
Previous drug sampling: Asacol, Prevacid, Flagyl, Prednisone- 50mg to 0, 4 major flares '08.Hospital four x. Low residue diet,
6MP, Colazal , Cortifoam enemas,
Trying probiotics, Niferex, fish oil, Magnesium, Acupuncture.
Remicade 10mg per kilo@ 8wks, since 10-08. Still on 6mp and Colazal