isnt this the truth!

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 8/26/2009 1:54 AM (GMT -6)   
you may need to stop at the women's restroom . . . be prepared!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
steph - 33 - female - gold coast australia - UC since 2000
im in remission ~ wOOhOO !  no symptoms for last 2 weeks!
waiting for blood test to see if i can start imuran
just finished 3 months of prednisolone (worked) -tapered with no issues -left with moonface + fat! o.0
mesalazine granules 3g x1 a day (much nicer than a million tablets a day)
tumeric capsules, vitamin d3, enteric coated fish oil, xango juice 30ml x3 a day
pre-conception vitamins and minerals (cuz we trying to make a baby)
i still eat what i want, when i want, if i feel like eating at all ... diet doesn't affect my UC.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 8/26/2009 6:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Men go thru the same thing, trust me. (minus the purse)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 8/26/2009 7:33 AM (GMT -6)   
LOL So funny but so true!
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Bentyl, Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**~Allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Sacroiliitis~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~Epidural injections (2 series of 3), OA-Celebrex, Tylonel Arthritis and Voltaren Gel
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 2103
   Posted 8/26/2009 7:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh man I would need my toes to count how many times this has happened to me!
I never hang my purse on the hook on the door. I know someone who was in a restroom in the mall and someone came in, reached their hand over the door and stole her purse. Of course you can't yank your pants up and catch them. I try and set it on top of the toilet paper dispenser if it's big enough.
And what's the point of having the seat protector dispenser if it's always empty!?
20 year old college student diagnosed with UC in March 2005
Remission since January/April 2006-->THREE YEARS!!!!!
Meds: 3 750mg Colazal 2x daily, 25mg Amitriptyline, 75mg Effexor XR for GAD, ortho lo
Seasonal allergies, very mild asthma (albuterol when needed), allergic to sulfa
"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change"
Charles Darwin

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10407
   Posted 8/26/2009 8:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Amen, sister.
 Ulcerative colitis forum co-moderator
Moderate to severe left-sided UC diagnosed 2001. Flared for 5 years, finally in remission with Remicade since March 2006. Colazal,  Remicade, Nature's Way Primadophilus Reuteri.
Avascular necrosis in both shoulders is  my "forever" gift from steroids.
Chronic joint/connective tissue/muscle pain; TKR 05/09 
"My life is an ongoing medical adventure"

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 321
   Posted 8/26/2009 8:32 AM (GMT -6)   
LOL!!! I can't stop giggling :)
UC since 2002- remission for 6 years
recent flare 06/09
Currently on Colazal, multivitamin, probiotics, fish oil
just tapered off prednisone

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 8/26/2009 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I love love love this its so true !! I have had it happen more times then i can count.
    Female 37
   20 years of Ulcerative Colitis
  meds,  2 Lialda, 3 Azathioprine, 1 Celebrex, Cymbalta, Mirtazapine,
               TLB ( :

Serenity Now
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2153
   Posted 8/26/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh I can't tell you how much I hate the automatic flusher. We had those at work and when I was going through my flare, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom in agony. At the beginning especially I'd forget, and sometimes to try to help things out I would double over, or maybe just because I was exhausted I would slump over, and the darn thing flushes... and the toilet being full of blood and goop.... Ugh SOOO gross.
ack, 43, Vancouver BC
DX: UC (Pancolitis) as of Jan2009.  Symptoms first began June 2008.
Current Meds: Ferrous Sulfate, plus various supplements
Previous Meds: Jan-Mar 2009: Asacol 800 mg (1 pill x 4 daily), stopped Mar14/09. 

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/26/2009 10:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Don't forget that some men's bathrooms may only have one stall while the women's may have 3 or 4

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 367
   Posted 8/26/2009 10:51 AM (GMT -6)   
the bathroom at work here .... geez I am lucky my UC is mild and not in total flare! Our one story office building got sold and the new owners took over basically keeping a few tenants. They put in a call center ... our two stall women's bathroom went from having five or six women in the building sharing it to over 50 women! Is it any wonder we are always out of toilet paper, seat covers and have continuous plumbing issues? To top it off, there are some really smelly women here so the Frebreeze and Lysol is often sprayed ... now my allergies are kicking my a**!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2012
   Posted 8/26/2009 6:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I have a really really hard time pooing in public bathrooms even though lots of women do... I don't know how they do if they can help it... even in a bad flare I would miraculously hold it in for two more minutes trying to wait in vain for girls to leave... so I hate when I get an empty bathroom to myself, sit down, and then some biatch walks in just to primp herself in the mirror. Agh!
19yr old female diagnosed with UC (pancolitis) in 2005 at age 15
125mg Azathioprine 1xday / 1 Mesalamine enema every night /
2000mg Fish Oil 1xday / 500mg Turmeric 3xday /
450mg Boswellia 2xday / 400IU Vitamin E 1xday
Arthritis in both knees
Also: asthma, acid reflux, and Reynaud's Syndrome

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