Posted 7/13/2010 10:24 AM (GMT -6)
Wow, thanks everyone for all your responses. Im comforted that im not the only one who's experienced loss bc of their ailment and at the same time sorry to hear that its happened to so many of you as well. Its true in a way though, if the shoe were on the other foot, roles reversed, would i have done the same? Its easy to say 'no' in hindsight, but in reality, i cant honestly say... I guess the part that makes the loss such a difficult pill to swallow is, you cant entirely blame the other person for doing what they did, nor can you overly blame yourself in the matter, so who's fault is it then..... I guess thats the paradox i cant seem to accept. Anyhow, thanks again for sharing your stories everyone and happy healing :)
colitis 2.5 years

current meds:
sulfasalazine 500mg twice dailyx4
omega 3 fish oil pills, twice daily

current stauts: began smoking again in April and symptoms have vastly improved :)

Posted 7/13/2010 11:37 AM (GMT -6)
Zippy123 said...
So much for marriage vows, "in sickness and in health".


Lets be honest, not many people know what sickness is until they face it themselves. Before UC, I thought being sick was getting the flu haha. Looking at my friends, Im not sure many of their marriages would survive a real sickness.
Male 30yrs old Bay Area, California

Currently taking:
Prednisone - 25mg (started flaring again)
Asacol - 4800mg
Remicade since Feb 2010

Posted 7/13/2010 12:02 PM (GMT -6)
Many people in my life have been through very serious medical conditions and have found great partners and maintained solid friendships. Several are married (met their partners after becoming sick). Several became very sick in their teens/early twenties. I know it's an individual's attitude that makes the difference, so I agree with Dr. A. It's not easy, but please speak for your selves when discussing the limitations illness has placed on you.
Posted 7/13/2010 12:17 PM (GMT -6)
Ok, we have been married 49 years and been through a lot - not just illnesses but dealing with kids, etc.  My husband has had a heart condition since age 44 - bypass, etc.  I never thought once about not supporting him and helping him all I could.  Of course, he is a positive person.  Now he has the heart problems, COPD, PTSD, wearing two hearing aids, dentures, lung cancer and now neuropathy and a back injury they can't fix.  I would never leave him unless he was abusive or something - never because he is sick.  AND then I was diagnosed with UC only 2 years ago.  Hard for him to understand and I was supposed to have knee replacement and he just had a hard time understanding why I couldn't when bleeding, etc.
Communication - one or two of you said - is sooo important with everything you face together.  I do know some married and not married who broke up because they could not emotionally handle the others illness.  Sad - but just not meant to be I guess.
ElaineNY
 
Senior - diagnosed with proctosigmoiditis - 6/2008 Cannot tolerate mesalamines including rectal meds, etc. 
Prednisone for about 5 months - tried 6 MP with no help. 
No prescriptions now except for Cortifoam and anusol about once a week.  Now treating only with Imodium and Pepto Bismal and below....
Probiotic Align, Prilosec for GERD, Gas-X, vitamins, Calcium/D
Tylenol for knees and arthritis.
 
 
 

Posted 7/13/2010 12:35 PM (GMT -6)
Wow this turned kind of negative.

My wife and I have been together for 6 years as of yesterday.

She started having symptoms two years ago and was diagnosed last year shorty after this month.

At first it did suck to be a part of her illness. In a relationship there needs to be equality. A balance of just about everything. When one side starts to lean a bit more than the other things begin to go into a bit of chaos. Which our relationship started to turn to. Regardless of how you want to word it, the other person in the relationship is entitled to all of the support and devotion as the person with UC. That is where I think some folks lose it.

I was consistently helping her through not only her physical problems, but also her emotional changes due to the disease. I would go out of my way to make her feel better about herself on a low self esteem day, and get her flowers, a sensual message. I kept at it for what was probably up until she started to go into a remission. The I decided to hold a conversation with her. Telling her that I as well have been going through a lot and that I need support and love as well.

We fought for some time, than we came to the conclusion that it has been harder on the both of us. She apologized for being selfish at times and we are working to make the relationship forget the UC. Though it will never go away, it is no longer the big concern of our relationship like it once was.

Just talk to each other. With out communication a relationship is crap in my eyes. Talking things out, with out yelling and shouting, would be the best advice I have for any couple, married or not in the realm of UC.
Posted 7/13/2010 1:01 PM (GMT -6)
Turned negative? uh, no. Fairly honest, yes.

You and your wife have communicated, which is a good thing. Not an easy task when one is emotionally and mentally dysfunctional. All sorts of crap come with just being in a relationship...without the tools or common sense to make it work...it's better to not be together unless both "get it".

Congratulations on making your marriage a priority.

I agree with the talking....I remember recently saying to my husband..."all the things you just said while in anger would be beter received and mean more if you could mention them in another state of mind". Some people just have a more difficult time expressing of themselves unless in a higher state of emotions.

q
Posted 7/13/2010 1:22 PM (GMT -6)
I believe you have to be on that level to enter a relationship. You talk to your friends, your mother, your dad, but you can't hold a conversation with your spouse. That is the one person you should be able to discuss anything with, even the color of your most recent bowel movement. Most relationships fail because they simply hold back things, and are scared to speak with the one friend that means most to them.

Emotions are fine in a conversation. Makes the words mean more. If the other person can't pick up on this maybe you need to push them to let some things go as well.

Guys have emotions, we hide them well, but they are there. Unless he is a total d-bag, any guy can hold a emotional conversation regarding a concerning topic with someone they care about.

That is however if that person does care about you.

If that is a concern, you may want that to be your first question in the conversation.

Forum Information

Currently it is Tuesday, October 16, 2018 6:47 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,012,143 posts in 329,914 threads.
View Active Topics

Who's Online

This forum has 161873 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Goldengirl49.
164 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
trailguy, physedgirl09 , jberda1 , Anitas