I know that I wouldn't have been able to deal with having kids on top of all that I have had to deal with health/emotional/mental-wise. Just a screaming/crying baby sends shivers down my spine or the demanding whining brats I see make me want to smack the parents.
Not to say that I cannot cope with others' kids for a short period of time...but for me..it was a firm decision considering the lifetime commitment.
Weird since working in a school for 5 years as an interpreter was an awesome time for me. But, not enough to want kids.
I have interited lots of health issues, take meds, back and neck problems etc....and the mental/emotional stuff runs very strongly in my family. uh, no thanks.
I wasn't willing to sacrifice myself or my husband for having kids. My MIL didn't think it was a good enough excuse. whatever.
You're male...at least you don't have to carry a baby and have it. But if you are not emotionally ready or KNOW you cannot cope with the demands that a baby will require (and your wife as well), then maybe you're not cut out for kids. But...you don't have to have all the answers from day one, there's lots of support available and absolutely NO shortage of information etc.
But, in saying that....if you're in a crisis at this point, don't have your UC under control or not in an extremely stable with all your cards on the table relationship...talk seriously about it, share your concerns and feelings. Maybe have counselling so that you both can come to an agreement of whether it can work out for you both.
Your wife may not require much from you regarding the care of the baby, etc...(some wives don't)...you may be able to function with some degree of relief and eventually find out that you can do a lot more than you imagined.
Having kids is a huge responsibility.....adopting is no guarantee of anything regarding health, etc. They inherit as your own would.
My parents sadly lacked strategies to cope with our family's severe dysfunctionalism. I was the only one who thought therapy was a viable option for my own sanity. Served me well for myself and for my husband.
But...in hindsight, I'm relieved I don't have totally screwed up kids who said I was screwed up, never there for them and that I only had time for myself to deal with my own problems. I highly doubt my kids would have been perfect..lol.
It's good you're at least thinking about it. Having children...it's like that proverbial box of chocolates (Gumpism). But if you do have them....make darn sure your goal is for them to be well-functioning and respectful no matter what they may possibly inherit.
*Heather* I give suggestions, do with them what you will.
Status: ...Asacol 3 @ 2x daily; Salofalk enema @ 3rd night (nightly/ flares, tapered/maintenance)
~diagnosed January 1989 UC (proctosigmoiditis)
~Bentylol 20mg as needed; Ranitidine; Effexor XR 37.5mg (depression), Pulmicort/Airomir (asthma)
~vitamins/minerals/supplements; Probiotics....(RenewLife Ultimate Flora Critical Care+Primadophilus Reuteri capsules @ bedtime
~Metamucil capsules 6 twice daily with meals; Vitamin D 4000 IU
~URSO for PSC (or PBC) 500mg X 2 daily (LFTs back to NORMAL!!)
My doc's logic.. "TREAT (FROM)BOTH ENDS" worth it !!!
Post Edited (quincy) : 12/8/2010 8:57:48 AM (GMT-7)