Thank you all for your kind words. I decided to write back, something I was not going to do, except a read a message from Quincy I found a bit unknown to me. It gives me some solace knowing he had friends and perhaps he shared things here I was not aware of - after all isn't this why you are all here? He had passed at a friends house after he felt like an encumbrance.I wish and regret I was not able to let him know he was not. But moving on is an important step. Also, I will check the boards occasionally now that I know how to work this system. I would not want any other wife to loose their man due to a disease. He was no additional encumbrance after he became ill, if anything I felt more of his inner strength. That is why I keep going over in my mind why he passed. That is why it took me a long time to come here. If I can help any other wife who may face this situation, I would. Yes, he had his colon removed and simply went to the bathroom a different way - and yes had to wear leg braces to walk. But Bob was a very sensitive warm and romantic man. I don't think I will ever meet anyone ever again like him, in my heart.
Please tell your spouses if you are upset about having this disease, and talk about it. Don't internalize it, and to the spouses who care for our loved ones, Don't be like me and wish I kissed him more, and reassured him that food waste is nothing abnormal.
If I can help anyone else, I will. I am also in grief counseling - and this is part of that. I don't expect to chat here, except to look in on his friends. He had a friendship with a man in Ireland - I don't know his name, but they did chat to each other a lot. Perhaps if you can let him know.
Thanks again from the two of us, Phyllis