It sounds like anxiety plays a big role in your life. Perhaps if you could get it under control your UC symptoms would improve. This is only a suggestion.
Each one's quality of life issues differ. I was in a state of denial, thinking "oh my UP (I suffered with ulcerative proctitis) isn't THAT bad". I would have some days where I felt great, but they were becoming less and less frequent. I never went 20 - 30 times a day. My bowel movements were more like six a day on bad days, but the urgency was terrible. I had port a pots in different rooms because I could not make it to my bathroom and I live in a ranch type home. I also had some bleeding and cramping.
I knew it was time for surgery when 6MP, then Remicade and then Humira...all failed. I became prednisone dependent. Prednisone gave me osteoporosis, high blood pressure, chronic insomnia and Type 2 Diabetes. My GI doctor would not refer me to a surgeon because my ulcerations were confined to my rectum and he just wanted me to try more and more drugs. I had to look on the internet to find a good colorectal surgeon. I had surgery on June 28th 2010. It wasn't easy, but my quality of life is soooo much better.
By the way, I had a total colectomy with end ileostomy. The bag isn't bad at all. My surgeon said I was not a candidate for j-pouch because of my age (63 at the time), extensive use of prednisone and other health issues. He said it would be more stressful on my body than open heart surgery. After my surgery my surgeon said I made the right decision as my rectum was very diseased.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do, but don't suffer as long as I did.