So glad to read this. Not because I'd like someone to be as down as myself, but to know we're in the same boat. I'd like to think the boat is not sinking.
I'm usually a very positive person, but recently I've been feeling overwhelmed. Exactly for the reasons above. I'm normally a VERY active person, sports, friends, have been to almost 30 countries. But recently it's just been me and this disease. My Chinese Herbal Teas, my Pelvic Floor Therapy homework, learning "The Secret", Yoga homework(for UC), falling out of love with my job, feeling handcuffed to same job because of good health insurance, learning Gluten free and vegan foods, dealing with the news of my super super low testosterone etc etc, I know you all are in similar boats. There's just not enough hours in the day! On the drive to my PT today I thought, if I have this many Dr/type appointments now-a-days, what will happen when I hit 40, 50, 60? I've never thought I'd considering suicide, but I have to admit the word(not the act or desire) has crossed my mind. rewind a few months, years, boy was I different.
my friend, and I love her so, says, I know you don't want more for your to do list, but you may want to consider the happiness bootcamp. It's similar to what Wooky wrote, a gratitude journal. Man was I down this morning, I couldn't even find ONE thing to be positive about
. I just don't care anymore.
My biggest thought is WHY. This is the thought I must rid myself of. I think WHY me, WHY do I have to go home and enema, or make my tea, find dairy free option, gluten free option, I see everyone else around me living life but I am just kinda floating along with my life jacket keeping me afloat, unable to swim. I wish I could stop comparing myself to my healthy friends.
I think it's time to figure out how to be happy, and just deal with the rest as it comes. one day at a time.
Thoreau - Don't mean to steal your thread, but you're not alone. And it could be worse. As my friend said this morning, what if you had xxxx. There's always worse, in many ways we are fortunate, it's just difficult to see at times. I'm getting chills as I type this.
(Side Note: Re-reading what I wrote, it's like the anti-online dating profile. Imagine if someone wrote this as their "about
Me section". Ok, I finally got myself to laugh
Gratitude: To all those on healing well sharing their experiences. I'm off to the gym. Even if I stay 10 minutes, it's better than sitting at home figuring out what I can and can not eat. Love to you all.